Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

It's a good thing to be psyched

Radiant Aura

I like the lines

"timing...
that's the puzzle piece,
gotta fit or else,
or else something."

Intriguing.

Art and peace.

Truth does have its variations while at the same time being exactly what it is. Perspective plays a huge part in it too. Good and insightful.

My friend's electronic mix

I agree that it is a bit narcissistic to get feedback on a poem but not reply to others.

Liked this back on GP. Glad to read it again.

limbs dangle below smog
from ivory cracks
spanned across the earth
sleepy time lines

examine a coated sea
items tossed into waves;
parchment and water bottles
used long ago

swallows on telephone wires
listen for unfolding years
regarding my only chance
of survival

Yes, that's funny.

Realistic - good form.

I get a Van Gogh feeling too. He was a cool guy...

Some of the images in this are pretty good. I like the idea of stars being restless. Punchy piece.

OK. I believe your revision is going in a positive direction.

That said, I'm still unsure what this piece is really attempting to convey.

Perhaps "something lost in the past" that N is trying to determine or recall?

A bit diffusive and relatively abstract.

Played around a bit based on my take ...

boughs dangle below smog
whittled out of an ivory atmosphere
skewed across the earth
as muffled time lines

i examine a jetty sea
for items tossed into waves -
parchment and ancient water bottles
used by jaded stragglers

swallows on telephone wires
listen for the sound of unfolding years ...

I did a version 2, because you're right that some parts could be expanded upon. A few folks have said that version 2 is more in depth and comes across as more personal.

boughs dangle below smog
whittled out of an ivory atmosphere
skewed across the earth
as muffled time lines

i examine a jetty ...