Trust. That is a big word, isn't it? I mean, who can you really trust? Do you trust your self?
And how do I know if something is beautiful, for instance? Because someone told me it was beautiful or because I trust myself in the knowing? That inner guide, my conscience, tells me all I need to know. Unless one has no conscience (and some don't because of injury or a genetic abnormality to their frontal lobes), you just know the right way, the right path. And if one wants to live in a light filled world (and out of the shadows) you start by trusting yourself. That is where we all must start and once you do that, you can start to trust others.
I am a skeptic, in fact about most things I start from a what I feel is a healthy skepticism until it rings true for me. That is trust and not blind faith. If one is a believer because of fear or because someone else (or a whole lot of someones) believes it then you are not authentic and not true to one's self. Sometimes we are raised up in a belief system and like a well trained animal, we cling to what it is we were taught to believe because it is safe. Strength in numbers and believers. I don't want to be led astray into a belief system just because it is the "thing to do." That is where trusting myself comes in. And just because something is true for me does not mean it is true for someone else. We all must master ourselves and not let anyone else be our master. First and foremost, master myself.
If I didn't trust myself then I am admitting that I have absolutely no control over the one thing in life that I can control...me. Saying no to that piece of pie that looks so tempting, saying wait before I do something I know is harmful to my health just because I am ignoring my inner guide (and we all have done this) gives me more confidence and strength in becoming whole. I know when I do something wrong to myself and if I don't know, I learn. It is a process. It doesn't just happen willy nilly and boom, I am enlightened and know all there is to know about oneself and skip merrily down the path to where ever it is that I am going. Spending time in guilt or jealously or stuff like that is just another self indulgence and has nothing to do with trusting or loving oneself. Those things spring from my insecurities and I have found are a good waste of time that could be spent doing something creative or relaxing or restful or even productive.
Crises will come up for that is the nature of life. And if you can't trust yourself in dealing with those hard knocks one will just allow themselves to fall apart and indulge oneself in self pity and loathing. Fun? Hardly. Rising up to meet each challenge is a challenge for myself. Life has not been an easy path for me or those I love and I don't think it is any different for most people as it is all a matter of perspective. I cannot see out of anyone's eyes and that is true for all of us big apes. But I am learning to trust myself and what I see is true for me out of the windows that are my eyes. I like to let in the light, illuminate the shadows of me and learn as much as I am capable of about this person who is me. No one, not even the mate I have lived with for almost 40 years, will know this person, me, as well as I do. So I trust me. I have to or be miserable and indulgent and unconscious. Now is that the way to live? Trust me, it is not. (smile)
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1842, German poet, novelist and scientist) in Faust
