Peace of Mind or A Piece of my Mind?

[sooZen]

Do you know what irritates you? Do you know what causes you to be upset? Are there things that happen that make you mad? Of course, we all experience irritation and upset and anger over the way things go or what happens. And this upsets our peace of mind, our sanity (a bit) and our ability to adapt to unexpected situations.

Some of the time I get irritated with myself because I can't remember stuff that I know but the words won't come or the name or the reason I was looking for something or stuff like 'at. All reason goes flying out the door when I am in that mood and all I can think of is grrrrr, "what is wrong with me?!" Other times, when things don't go as "expected" or people act stupidly (in my opinion of course) it can be frustrating. That irritation wells up within and all my calm abandons me. Leo Babuta who writes a blog (Zen Habits, smile, breathe & go slowly) talks of a beautiful method to find peace of mind:

"Expect your child to mess up — all children do. And don’t get so upset when they mess up, when they don’t do what they’re “supposed” to do … because they’re supposed to mess up.

Expect your partner to be less than perfect.

Expect your friend to not show up sometimes.

Expect things to go not according to plan.

Expect people to be rude sometimes.

Expect coworkers not to come through sometimes.

Expect roommates not to wash their dishes or pick up their clothes, sometimes.

Expect the glass to break.

And accept it.

You won’t change these inevitable facts — they will happen, eventually. And if you expect it to happen — even see it as already happening, before it happens — you won’t get so upset.

You won’t overreact. You’ll respond appropriately, but not overreact. You can talk to the person about their behavior, and ask them kindly to consider your feelings when they do this … but you won’t get overly emotional and blow things out of proportion.

You’ll smile, and think, “I expected that to happen. The glass was already broken. And I accept that.”
You’ll have peace of mind. And that, my friends, is a welcome surprise."

See, it is our expectations that cause us so much grief and discomfort. Not everything (actually most everything) will turn out like we want or expect. We can gnash our teeth, blow up, worry constantly over things we have no or little control over or that we think might or will happen but that is pretty much wasted energy with no peace of mind whatsoever. If I really want to be calm and peaceful and want the world around me to be calm and peaceful, It starts with me and my reactions and how I choose (yes, we do the choosing) to react to stressful situations.

The tub is going to back up (it is right now clogged), the truck is going to break down (new brakes and new tires last month), the dog is going to stab himself on a stick (yep, he did), the kids in the neighborhood are going to tag the back fence (over and over again), the show is not going to go as I would like (a huge wind gust blew the tent over and broke a tent leg), etc, etc... All those things in my life are bound to happen. And if I want peace of mind, to remain calm during those situations without flying off the handle, I must accept what is and deal with it as best I can.

I have to realize (wham-o!) that giving in to my irrational irritations and getting really pissed off is not helping me or the situation one iota. You know people like that, that spend and waste a lot of time being mad every time something doesn't go their way. They fume and yell and say nasty things and are just plain rude and crude. Pleasant? Not in the least, not for them and certainly not for the people around them. Some take out their anger by abusing people or animals just because they are so unaware of the consequences of their actions or they are just so self involved or insecure that they want things their way or no way or they think because they were abused and unloved, it becomes habitual with them. Best to avoid (and protect) oneself from people like that. Many times I find that being calm in the midst of someone's chaos tends to irritate them all the more because they can't understand your smile or your demeanor when they are so very angry.

What I am still learning is not to confront people that are angry with my perceptions about their anger. It doesn't help my peace of mind and certainly, they are not ready to accept the consequences of their actions. It doesn't help to pointedly point it out! I assure you. We all are responsible for our own peace of mind. No one can MAKE US react the way we do. That is up to each of us individually no matter what your conditioning or history is. If you try and be kind, compassionate, loving, sharing, not only with others, but with yourself, and accepting of what comes your way...

...you will find peace of mind a lot closer than you thought possible.

[Arcadia]

I read your post yesterday but I didn´t have time to answer until now, it resonates a lot to me, gracias for sharing it, Soo!!!!!

[sooZen]

Thank you for reading and responding Arcadia!