What am I missing here?

[whimsicaldeb]

You don't sound like you see the conflict between your words and your supposed stance.

I know I sound like I don't and that from your perspective (a few other's) that I come off as if I don't ... but, I do.

[jimboloco]

stilltrucking I think what jimbo's saying here is that Deb pulled a similar thing on you, which she did indeed. Jimbo loves you man. He ain't on your ass. I think you're reading more into his comments than you're meant to. Relax, you're not at issue here. Just breathe. (mousey)

still, that was my intent
i actually am glad that you altered my line of vision
it was central to my opening up
i apologozed alteady for calling you a latent rascist and this all for me has been about me waking up, i surprised myself with that intense conflagration
and am sure that this event will bear me well in the future, not to repeat that sort of thing

i tried to explain to deb my perceptions as mousey was saying that i was enabling her to carry on
so please man
i got off your case and onto my own a long time ago
i have no problems with your bantering and offering your own insights no matter how i start a thread
and
i learned that big al ai'nt perfect either

and that there is more to learn so next time somebody offers an opinion that stretches me
i will inquire as to how tht opinion came about instead of offering resistance and name calling
and mousey is right i dig you man
but wanted to respond t mousey's admonition that i was enabling the deb so i tried to elucidate to deb my percepions in as straightforward a way as possible
did not wanna speak about these things to deb cause i feared what would happen, another mis interpretation
so
i am thru trying to explain to deb for anybody else
i believe these points hae been well elucidated by others
and again my apologies to you st

what is your malfunction
and why do you keep fucking with me
i got the adrenasllin shakes lright now

why do you keep doinng this to me

why jimbo
does it have anything to do with dr cohen???????????
(the truckerman)

as i said you were the catylist for my growth all along
i am not fucking with you
not intentionally

doreen i don't know now if deb was antagonizing because she had a different opinion or how she went about it

but the manners is where it counts for me
somebody hopefully will have more insight
as i said i apoloogized because i went thru a sacred growth experience

blessed be
i gotta get up at 5 AM
and go to the cancer unit
post my certificate for the 30 CEU's i did friday
so i can get my pay raise this year
and lift turn clean feed oxygenize medicate organize uplift
and my energies are compounded positively because of you folks
so you will be with me there

i just wanna be more open now
not closed

it's like I HAVE HAD A SPIRITUAl EXPERIENCE

SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES CAN NOT BE FORCED, BUT ALWAYS HAVE THE QUALITY OF "GRACE" OR A GIFT. ALL WE CAN EVER DO IS BE EVER READY TO RECEIVE.
from the encyclopedia of spirituality by Timothy Freke, Sterling pub, 2000
page 34 "STAY OPEN AT ALL TIMES"

goodness "find the silence that contains thoughts" hakuin

[tarbaby]

William James said:

At any rate, they forbid a premature closing of our accounts with reality

.
http://www.psywww.com/psyrelig/james/james12.htm

WD has closed her accounts with reality jimboloco.

She is so careful to refer the Dalai Lama as His Holiness The Dalai Lama.

She talks the walk.

But I don’t see no reverence.


jimboloco said:

that is the point that i need to be aware of
st has no reverence for anyone's initial intent
he will lather it with self-deprecating humor and wonderings

It causes me pain to think I have caused you pain.

Jimboloco you travel that good bodhi road

I don’t know what road WD is on anymore.

I only replied to this thread because I was thinking about a writer who posted this bit a while back.

The city runs amok with miles and miles worth of long-haired shiny-eyed beauties who parade their superior appearance about like a civilized circus act.

Sounds like she was having a bad hair day?

Meanwhile the American Gardening Association has announced that they will no longer use the word hoe in their catalogues.

[Arcadia]

cookies for everyone? (I´m having breakfast at the moment).
last thursday I saw tv at midday and continue doing other things while the tv keep on and suddenly saw Mr Q. in some kind of debate-show in one of the two local air channels... Mr Q. was the first oncologist that my mother has... it was supposed to be a great doctor... and I listened to him concluding a discussion (the debate was the despenalización of drugs use among others) to say with a lot of superiority an arrogance air "well, I have a good communication with my patients". Arrrrrrrrggg...! (I thought I had already forgotten that guy!!).

[jimboloco]

yeah a poor choice of words treehuggers
jack irreverent banter is good
please be as irreverent as you like
and the pain i felt was my own nobody caused it
and i am liberated man
thanks for billy james's professorial insight

please don't boycott my posts afeared of causing me pain
i opened my accounts with reality
not closed
love the wonderings
mystical experience ah ha
karma cookies please
there's another opening
ah ha!

i had the insight
now comes more practice
open and receptive
why not?


Arcadia, it's groovy here in the jewel mines
and yes arrogance does not fly well with doctors
our oncologists are all human beings
only one guy is the least bit arrogant
(he comes from Buenos Aires!)
but he brings us pastries
so if I could dance the tango I'd be a gushing fool.

[stilltrucking]

I was shaking like a leaf
I should have sat on my hands
If you need to use me as a "wrang wrang"
That's cool with me.


openings

[Arcadia]

more cookies? I´m drinking mate at the moment and at the same time trying that each one of my students fit in a number and in few words...
beautiful drawing that one, s-t!!. It reminds me a very, very beautiful film I saw some days ago: "The story of the weepping camel"!!
good luck in the jewell mine, jimbo!!
(so a porteño/a doctor... well friend, you have to be patient!!)

[mousey1]

mousey1 wrote:
You don't sound like you see the conflict between your words and your supposed stance.

whimsicaldeb wrote:
I know I sound like I don't and that from your perspective (a few other's) that I come off as if I don't ... but, I do.

So then we need to just take your word for it, Deb, because none of us here are mind readers as I'm sure you're aware.

I realize it is rather doubtful that you will apologize to Hester, mt and sooZen since you have stated that it probably wouldn't be heartfelt. You feel you have done nothing wrong but merely speak your truth about the matter. But I think you could at least apologize for the hurt and hard feelings that the callousness of your words have caused. Certainly you feel bad about that right?

Imus apologized because he'd caused some inadvertent(probably) hurt and because he was advised to. He still suffered some consequences but nonetheless apologies were made and accepted.

You see how that works? So unless you are quite pleased that mt and sooZen and Hester still hold some hard feelings toward you and rightly so I might add, you'd think you'd want to lessen that. Unless you're into causing pain and attempting to damage someone's rep falsely.

I recall you writing somewhere in this thread that it is up to each individual whether they will allow themselves to be affected or hurt by others or not. Something along the lines that one should not give others that kind of power over ourselves and our own feelings of self worth. I hope you know that's bollocks. It's not so much that people allow themselves to feel besmirched and belittled, it's that they're bloody human and unwarranted verbal attacks such as that serve no real purpose and do nothing but aim to hurt and inflict damage. Why else say it? Was the name calling intended to show them the error of their ways?

Whenever there are confrontations and harsh words exchanged without apology the wounds go unhealed. Fester. People might on the surface carry on as usual, but underneath there are remembered resentments. Maybe not. Maybe not in this case because it's only names on the internet right? And everyone knows people on the internet don't really have feelings. At least they certainly shouldn't allow themselves to. But guess what, hurtful words still hurt even if they are a load of horse shit. Why? Because we all have our stories. While you may spout something without thinking and move on, the poor soul who you spouted off to, unbeknownst to you, has taken it to heart, because maybe people aren't as tough and strong as they pretend to be.

I for one don't want to cause hurt or pain. When I do and find out about it I apologize and try to mitigate the damage. It's the only human thing to do. Perhaps animals don't need to apologize to one another, but for some foolish reason humans seem to need it. Go figure. Even the hardest and coldest among us are gratified by at least the effort of a sincere apology.

Imus apologized. Had he not I wonder who would've ended up suffering the most from his refusals not to.

There are entrails scattered about here and I think someone should tidy them up or the smell will linger for quite awhile.

Now I'm pretty sure you'd like me to shut-up right about now and let sleeping dogs lie so unless you direct words my way again I shall do just that.

I'm really not as prone to long-windedness as I might now appear to be.

[jimboloco]

I don't think Deb will come back to this thread
but I want to stay open to that possibility regardless.

Staying really open means being able to "not know."
I choose the path of not-knowing.
I want to hear what you have to say, whoever you are.

[tarbaby]

Not knowing,
that is about as open as it gets for me too.


Not trying to play the blame game, maybe blame myself.

But you should have seen her last year when a post of hers got accidently deleted. The woman went ballistic. There was no accident, it was a plot against her. Or so it seemed from her posts about it. But you know what a lying perfidious son of bitch I am. SO it was probably me just me putting words in her mouth like that putz stillglaring.

If you dig through the seven thousands of posts stillglaring made to this board you will find plenty of the same kind of shit. I try to remain open to the fact that I can't be any better than the worse I see in Deb.

I am openly hoping that she keeps on trucking on studio eight. I don't care a fig if she appologizes to anyone here or not. She got nothing to appologize to me for.

You know this may be off topic but I wish our president had more confidence in his opinions. I mean WD makes him look like a doubting thomas
I will miss the hell out of her if she don't come back. If not this thread than another. I still want to continue a thread about Earth Day and the infernal combustion engine (not a typo) that We broke it off a year ago last month.


Speaking of being racist, I used to use this user name as a CB handle.

I had a job in atascadero california spraing tar on the walls of a mushroom growing barn. I was covered in tar.

I also like the Brer Rabbit stories a lot.

just a pilgrim and a problem when I am stoned

I like this bit

jimboloco wrote:

when i want to pray
what should i say?

the lady show her countenance upon you
and give you peace?

the baptism of a child without ritual
a journey into faith
and so on
jesus' humor
first do no harm
when hanging with dharma bums

good night
sorry about the sock puppet jimbo
I just wanted to make a point with the tag line.

Man you keep bringing me up again and again. ANd then I would come back to you. It was driving me bananas. But I see now that it worked out for me. YOu give me some "openings" as George Fox used to say.

gracias compadre

did I say good night above
I got to go to sleep
been a long good day
I got to eat a bowl of Diamond Lil's matzos ball soup. When homeboy was stationed at Shepard she tought the jewish women how to make bagels at home. Amazing woman almost eighty now. SHe throws that old frail body around like a force of nature. Our mother so upset cause he was not marrying a nice jewish girl. But he a better man than me, he stood by his choice.

Me a mama's boy. But I can't complain, for all the times I broke her heart she only broke mine twice. Once when she told me a girl was not good enough for me, and once again years later when she told me I was not good enough for another woman.


Come on WD, you ain't afraid of a little old mousey are you?

[jimboloco]

good points, tarbaby
where are your feathers
i dig brer rabbitt too

my mom once told me she should have had an abortion
my mom once told me no women would ever be able to stand me
my mom once told me she was glad lived far away

i stayed away for years until i grew and forgave her, and she grew and started to like me again
now i love her, but live far away

i understand
exactly
i am not open to being bullshitted or used, ok
being more open means to be open to the possibility of understanding

maybe not in some folks ability
but i want to be more receptive and in so doing
by being a better listener, fer instance,
but I agree with ya
would not build up a relationship by demonizing others
with nefarious labels and intransigence
let the other person make stated points and reflect on them, hey, if tat is possible, and if not there are other ways to carry on, also open to the possibility i might disagree

your kindness is your greater asset, in my opinion, fer instance, above and beyond your intellect. but hey maybe i am closed for biz.
the jewel mines were fantastic today.

[tinkerjack]

I ain't smart, just crazy.

"The mother is the first awesome miracle that haunts the child his whole life, whther he lives within her powerful aura or rebels against it."

The Denial of Death.



I spent many of night going to sleep with the comforting thought of a shot gun under my chin.



November 22, 1963
almost became a suicide by matricide
I can still remember the feel of her throat in my hands.
I was not my mother's favorite son it seems
just her baby boy

It took ten years and a megadose of l$d to to get us back to being friends.
We sat up all night talking; me with my diethyl amide and her with a nice cup of tea and a bagel. Me tripping my ass off and her clueless.

For the next ten years we were best friends again
after her stroke
I cleaned up her shit
a strange thing for a son to look on his mother's withered breasts.

I want my stroke jimboloco. I am tired of being a memory babe. It is a lonely business.

Hard for me to trust you jim
something double minded about all this.

i am not open to being bullshitted or used, ok
being more open means to be open to the possibility of understanding

Let me put it too you this way jimboloco
As Whisicical Deb put it to me when I was trying to find out what I had said to her that caused her to start flaming me.
"I am not taking the bait jack."
so who is the bullshitter here jimbo?
ok?

Yes still sticking jimbo

It's like you still sticking into the interpersonal subjective suspicion stuff
why I work at service when am uncomfortable in certain situations,

and WD said

Jack.

I NEVER called Hester a failure or a miserable excuse for a human being - I've never even thought that! Those are YOUR words, YOUR thoughts, not mine!

What did she call hester jim? why did mousey1 call her on her "cruel comments"

jimboloco said:

but as with ST doing the blame game
will not be dragged into a spiraling downward.


whatever your opinion of me, keep it real.

no thanks jim
I ain't taking the bait.

and this is the way we grow
I admire george w bush's confidence and faith in his judgement.
But WD makes him look like a doubting thomas.

We all trying to grow
you and WD been giving me plenty of fertilizer jimbo

Did I tell you...
yeah I think I did
about getting asked to leave the meeting in San Antonio.
My heart so full of sorrow about our dear christian president.
I spoke too much.

I think I got on your nerves jimbo.
you are a better man than me.
Sorry if I tried to use you.
I suppose I did
You dam sure helped me along my way. A lot of people here have, WD included.

Are there any first time souls jim? I mean people that have never been born before? I will never finish in this life time. I feel like I am just starting, that this is my first time here on this planet as a human being. I still feel like a "big sad ape"















I can't get over art guy's little stunt with you jimboloco
much food for thought in that for me.
Now there are two people here who scare me.

[jimboloco]

you are quoting me from before my spiritual realization
i got out from under that rock

please let it go

i admire you for caring for your mother
i work with family caregivers a lot
and it is very admirable
bless ya man for shaking my slack.

amd ya know what
i was able to tell art guy that i liked the eagle and snake better than bothh thhe maple leaf and the stars and stripes

it's ok.

i refused the little flag when thhe lady was passing them out.
was content with my candle.
i got a little usa flag stuck in the ground in my front yard.
it is made of laminated paper, always waving
a weathervane.


austin gray my step-grandson

did not want to scare ya man
did you see that burning bush?

where is uncle remus when we need him?
down at the laughing place.

[stilltrucking]

Under the rock jimbo
me too
Sissypuss is just ok with me too, jesus too, and buddha you.
I been rediscovering Camus.
The lie being spread by certain "professors" that he was a suicide.
{correction to above post, too much poetic license)
That shot gun was only under my chin four a few months. But it started to worry me. I told homeboy I wanted to see a shrink. He hooked me up with a buddy of his a retired flight surgeon who was setting up practice as a psycho-analyst. But you you know what I think helped me the most was taking a job as a research chemist, worked for an awaying man, A double phd, one from his home town in Lucknow India, another from Edinboro in scotland.

He got a new job in adrian michigann as head of research. He asked me to come with him as his "plumber" I was a non degreeded jr chemist just a cook really. He would dream up some molecule and it was my job to see if I could make it.

I followed him there, snuck out of the house one cold november night and drove seven hundred miles in 12 hours
in my little red austin
there was room for my ass
and a tank full of gass
but my ...

I moved away from everyone who knew me.





i was born to run
the road owned
always
now I limp along.

rolling that rock up to the jewel mine
and chilling as I walk down hill doing my existential strip tease.

I got sixteen minutes to go before I got to get back to my gig at The Rosewater Foundation.

[stilltrucking]

did not want to scare ya man
did you see that burning bush?

where is uncle remus when we need him?
down at the laughing place.

You good at letting things go jimboloco
Better than me

I did not mean you scare me, I was speaking of two other poeple. I think that was a pretty strange thing for art man to do. I am sick of that flag being on everything from hotdogs to oven cleaner. Them reader Digest flag decals wont get us into heaven anymore.

I like that mexican flag too. I like arizona's flag a lot too.

I used to like the maple leaf two.

What the hell did he do that for. Don't sound very enlightened to me. I don't care how many times somebody starts talking Buddhist platitudes at me (artguy) the proof of the pudding is the walk.

just a weird thing for him to do

shit there I go playing the blame game again huh.

I think it is time we had an operation Canadian Freedom, Canada is wasted on Canadians. I never been to Nova Scotia, but my bowels yearn for the sea.

you dont scare me joimbo
but I think my self jpity gets on your nerves sometimes
I cant blame you for that.

You know I like Nietzsche's line that "the artist maybe just the manure from which his art grows" that is a paraphrase.

btw
"professors" i was using that word in the sense George Fox used it.

I stumbled on the Quakers when I was in the MCHR
the medical cadre for human rights, during the seventies anti war demonstrations. Mostly a bunch of returned medics from viet nam who were determined to end that war. They trained us to be street medics in DC.

They looked like peach fuzzed kids to me, early twenties I guess.

Salt of the earth.

Does it sound like I am playing the blame game again?

No sarcasm,

I am spooked by artguy now,


Fear is always my bottom line jimboloco
I am scared of dying half way
got dam strokes
"stroke" was a word I heard in the forties, I asked an adult in my family what it meant, and they dodged the question. But I could tell it was something that spooked them.

I feel in a hurry

I maynot sleep with a virtual shot gun anymore
but my life style is still suicidal for a old goat like me.

Man I think I wet my pants too.

Burning bushes? no but I seen a lot of burning heretics on PBS the history of the Inquisition the past couple nights

Not know my way
Wu Way and a cup of mu tea
going with the faith of a heretic.
spinoza's god is just ok by me.