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Re: pot is not

Posted: March 4th, 2011, 2:46 pm
by jimboloco
commence tai chi
hopefully so indeed

i went out protesting wednesday
came home drained
i can't do this

the quakers call this testing a leading or
test and testimony

the best is yet to come

wonder if we will all get together "upstairs" some day?
that would be nice

Re: pot is not

Posted: March 4th, 2011, 3:11 pm
by judih
i'm hoping it'll all be stairless by the time i'm ready to check out the scene

Re: pot is not

Posted: March 4th, 2011, 3:25 pm
by jimboloco
i expect to have a passport by then

Re: pot is not

Posted: March 9th, 2011, 11:16 pm
by Arcadia
tai chi again sounds good, jimbo
(judih had posted an interview to her teacher,
I didn´t read it yet)
& no burocracia signs in that!
take care of yourself
& meanwhile keep in touch with the rest of the monkeys, amigo!.
We missed you! :)

Re: pot is not

Posted: April 2nd, 2011, 2:40 pm
by jimboloco
Thankyou dear friends
I am doing better. I realised that when I go up
I come down
so I am on a mood stabilizer
I can still do mania at will
but need to survive a while longer
and thrive a little longer

Pot is not for me
Doing Dr Burns' Feeling Good Handbook
My therapist is also the founder of the zen group here
Doing Sunday morning zazen again
plus tai chi from Canada and China

Still not working
living on the lamb
the divorce is being finalized
I feel better
I know I am compassionate

Thanks to all
I don't give up
just give out

No pain
just nada
Balmy day

Re: pot is not

Posted: April 15th, 2011, 9:08 am
by short timer
Pain has no more secret receses.

….let us try to look at it with the eyes of a Patagonian for whom all that is sacred and taboo in our world is meaningless.

Anais Nin Preface to Tropic of Cancer 1934
I read a poem by saw that reminded me of you
let my legacy be that I cared
with all my intensity, to do no harm.
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=21388

just passing through saying howdy
this was going to be my last sock puppet

Re: pot is not

Posted: April 15th, 2011, 9:15 am
by short timer
I screwed up my log-in thingy and by default I log-in as short timer which I intended as a homage to a trucking buddy who was a veteran of our longest war—my generations war— that I would have been heir to if not for those thoughts of putting a rifle under my chin and thinking about the click.

mania is a family tradition with us
I went to see a shrink, and I don't think it did me any harm, but the guy who probably helped me through me the most was my boss at the time who was from India. I needed a father figure, who better than a Hindu :)

love peace and taco grease from texas

Re: pot is not

Posted: April 16th, 2011, 11:20 pm
by jimboloco
yes and yes
i am coming up on 4 weeks straight again
this time i will carry it through
because i like my clarity
more than anything
plus i have a controlling lady
to help me get through this
at the veterans' administration
in my supervised group
plus doing a peer to peer group
monday mornings with hambone and al

been smoking a box of swisher sweets daily
still cheaper than pot
my clarity is back
what i had forgot

i am over pot and also booze
my new tragedy to know
my first cousin paternal side
daughter of my aunt his brother
they are all addictice by design
shhe lost her baby boy 18
to an overdose of xanax and methadone
east texas first week of april

tomorrow the zendo and friends over green tea

i am remembering a lot about my war experience
heavy stuff been stuffing it now stuffing it on the
veterans' administration applying for some disability

i love my clarity
pot is not for me
just a little Depakote
and stay wired
hahahahAH

Re: pot is not

Posted: April 16th, 2011, 11:24 pm
by jimboloco
NIN ANAIS
NADA ES SACRADA
TODO TIENE LA VERDAD
EN ESTO MOMENTO SOLO
NO OJOS
NO BOCA
NO MENTE
NO PALABRAS
NO NO NO OHHHHHHHHH

Re: pot is not

Posted: April 16th, 2011, 11:26 pm
by jimboloco
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=21388
WHAT IN SAM HILL?

Re: pot is not

Posted: May 12th, 2011, 3:13 am
by jimboloco
Pot free since March 26th, 2011. I am stressed, can not sleep. Sometimes I dream about smoking it and then have a nightmare about being cut from my recovery. I am now in a chronic state of stress and have been spending $300/ month on cigarillos instead of the $600+ on pot. I am getting ready to be cleared back to work, but this state I am in right now will not fly.

Did a mid week zen sitting tonight and will do an all day short sesshin this saturday, plus the regular zendo sitting on Sunday. I have not been able to face the people at the Tai Chi club because they are so f--king happy.

I waas doing a morning zen sitting at home, listening to the rythmic hum of a cement mixer across the street, pouring the neighbor's sidewalk, when the farther neighbor came outside screaming at them to stop it. I started yelling at him thru my open window. AFTER A FEW MINUTES, THE CEMENT MIXER WENT BACK TO WORK, sheist, and I calmed down, but the Zen spell was broken. Tonight, vigilant. Hypertensive. I will go to the V.A. tomorrow and get my BP taken, a walk in, no games this time and will get an add on. Otherwise, I will inform my psychiatrist, who I will see at 11 AM. Life without pot is OK with me, especially without alcohol, but I am a mess underneath it.

I have another PTSD consult next Wed. Applied for unemployment, but don't know how my former employer, Baycare Health System, will respond. I got my last paycheck on Dec 11th, been living on the lamb with SS and food stamps. I really do not know if I can handle working right now.

I have a service Pconnected disability claim pending for PTSD, depression and bipolar. Today I was taking my BP in a pharmacy, when an asshole started ranting that they should have taken Osama bin Laden's head and put it at Ground Zero. I yelled at him, Yeah, I'm glad they killed him. Now stop yelling about hate and war. I am now wearing my Vet Center cap with a Vietnam Campaign medal, plus my Vets for Peace medallion, for talking points.

I submitted a poem, Raw Dirt Praying and a drawing of ecocide to the VVAW Veteran for the next quarterly. I have been blogging on the Lawrence O'Donnel and Rachel Maddow shows.

Writing helps. War games last forever. Those proud young men back from Afghanistan standing behing President O'Bama will have some delayed reactions later, believe me. The government has got to pay me something. It just never stops. I am glad that I don't have a fucking gun.

Re: pot is not

Posted: May 13th, 2011, 11:40 am
by Doreen Peri
Try 5 mg. valium once a day at bedtime. ;)

Also, consider exercise... a GREAT reliever of stress.... 4-5x a week for at least an hour do something physical. Walk, run, lift weights, anything... swim, whatever.

Hot baths help with stress, too. And lots of sleep.

Vitamin and mineral supplements, plus relaxing warm drinks and soups help also.

Re: pot is not

Posted: May 13th, 2011, 1:48 pm
by stilltrucking
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=21388
WHAT IN SAM HILL?
what is that jim? the link don't work

Since I been a couch person these past eight months I can't get to sleep unless I listen to an audio book when I go to bed. I usually fall asleep with in the first ten or five minutes of it. I used to be able to sleep fast, soon as my head hit the pillow in the sleeper of a truck bouncing and roaring dowwn a mountain road.

But not these days, mostly it is because I got no walls anymore, just a little nook made from some book shelves. The TV blasting, my beloved brother in law "the bear" deaf as a carpenter. He built this house for my baby sister. Raised every roof beam himself, roofed it framed it, slabbed it. Did it all, this when he was a young man, before the tumor, before all the attendant damage done. I don't know what I would do without him or you.

Take care jimbo check this out


http://www.archive.org/details/yiddish_ ... p_librivox

Re: pot is not

Posted: May 15th, 2011, 11:42 pm
by jimboloco
Thanks, guys
I don't do Valium
It's a narcotic
I do take an herbal stress capsule occasionally
I went to the VA doctor and had my BP med doubled
My BP is normal now, so I am not hearing my pounding heart
Exercise is always recommended
I do tai chi
and am doing a lot more zazen
plus when the shit hits the fan
I can ventilate or make stupid jokes
like
Is saying that Jesus was Jewish like saying
the Buddha was a Hundu? :mrgreen:

Thanks
I tune in http://musicalrelaxation.com/zenradio/
or play a relaxation meditation cd

words only keep me awake
except fopr your guys
I owe youall a lot
hope to be a more engaged s-8-er
love

Re: pot is not

Posted: May 16th, 2011, 1:36 am
by judih
sounds good, jim
and hearing your heartbeat is a good thing!

a constant reminder of the miracle of being alive