I Could Have Been a General.

Post by **stilltrucking** » October 16th, 2009, 8:51 am

speaking of sisters
that picture of you your sister margaret took.
I guess I always think about you as how you looked in that picture.

Post by **jimboloco** » October 19th, 2009, 6:19 pm

ya know i really appreciate you taking the time to read this complaining of mine

it's just that i had a lot to give up
yeah
and suddenly 40 years later i see how hard i had it
an how easy it would have been to conform and fly

there are second chapters and i am well into that one
hoping for a continuation

been thinking about sitting in the Friends' meeting again
versus doing the zen group

sitting with Quakers, pacifist intent

last Sunday I met a Desert Storm 1 veteran in our unit
he said the v a had np beds available so he came here

not sure what his condition or treatment was
but he was a paraplegic Marine with one aka and one bka
strong upper body strength

we talked a bit
was just able to sit there eye to eye
and talk

he got hit by an IED
then 12 years later they have Iraq War 2
and there had been no improvements in
armored personnell carriers or armaments
and rumsfeld studderred go to war with the army you have

but i didn't go there
just talked about being wounded inside the head
he is black
should have some idea about this
but anyhow
i am humbled again

getting past this and facing forward
greatful i got a voice

gracias amigo tex

Post by **jimboloco** » October 20th, 2009, 4:05 pm

i've been touting god lately and myself as a universalist
i went to the zen group and fell asleep
that qualifies me to attend an unprogrammed quaker meeting
i had a call last night from robin willits my pop's quaker b-24 AC
and i called him again this afternoon plus then called martha
the meeting house caretaker who was most welcoming
10:30 is also later plus they will have pot luck after
and maybe i can cet back on track wiith my fully integrated persona
man

Post by **jimboloco** » October 21st, 2009, 9:17 am

<center>oh man then i was having flashbacks to the dreary times
in quaker meeting unmerciful tedium
and chairs creaking people shifting pondering
unmercifully close and intimate both while in silence
and afterward during coffee and snacks so
i've decided that i have to keep smoking holy ganja
within the framework of holy matrimony you betcha oh
cause it gives me the courage of an assertive not a fool
god's will be done i always say now without a drooling wondering
about my imprinted weakness meekness as a child
an i owe that child a big hug and love and respect
for the road he hewed through a flatland of the blues
til he saw that rhythm and showed them his true worth
even as a man he slowly came forth but nurtured by his survival will he got his wind and claimed his flag as the cost of war tween his grandma truth and her willingham
cowboy clan and the other clans the french kansas gothic and th mccatty army stoic
stopped pickin his nose and got to breathing as he should
th whole schmorgasborg of earthly delights to choose from
as a taoist longhaired radical humanitarian jew would an did
helpin th winebibblers an th magdelanes to drink from th well
where this here poem ends as it should not like it could.

</center>

Post by **stilltrucking** » October 23rd, 2009, 4:13 am

I was thrown out of the Quaker Meeting here in San Antonio a couple of years ago. I suppose I spoke too often. I would only go maybe once every couple of years when I was deeply troubled by the war. The clerk got up and called me outside. Said I was not speaking from the spirit blah blah blah ... He really laid it on me, he was pissed. I will never go back again. I will only ever belong to one Quaker meeting the one in Nashville Tennessee. I remember the tedium of trying to suppress a cough and disturbing the silence. But jim those fifteen or so Friends sitting on metal folding chairs was like the Notre Dame for me.

Something about my first meeting house I went to in baltimore made me feel at home. It reminded me of the shul my grandfather went to in Jewtown. (Lombard St in east Baltimore)

Quaker Meeting house on Charles St

My grandfathers shul now a museum

this is the picture of you that I was thinking of.

I don't know what I believe exactly anymore. God sure but I have no idea what I mean, just something, an IT. Not male female human or anything I can concieve.
I like the bit from a poem

"God is the sense the world makes without God." A.R. Ammons.

Nietzsche speaks to me like an old testament prophet, he was no anti semite I don't think. But he saw christianity pretty clearly I think. It was the gift my ancestors gave the world. How cool is that? What evil has been done in the name of christ what good, does it balance out?

I had a dream about Jesus once. he was a black man. Come to think of it he kind of looked like Obama as a college kid. That dream was over twenty years ago.

Moo Moo Camus
He is my theologian these days

Post by **stilltrucking** » October 25th, 2009, 4:20 am

If I remember correctly that is the drawing you did the night you tripped the night before you decided to become a C.O.

For me the picture captures what Camus is saying.

I get a contact high just looking at it. You know I don't know jack sh*t about art Jim. I just like that picture a lot. More than like it. It makes me feel quiet inside. I think you called it Night Mare. Naturally I did not get it. I thought at first you were having a bummer. And I felt such a peaceful feeling looking at it.

I try not to envy you, I know the dues you have paid. You are a healer, an artist a poet.

Post by **jimboloco** » October 25th, 2009, 7:56 pm

yes the space is rectangularand earthy
i saw so many special familiar faces
friends
now with my studio eight background i am ready
you wouldn't get thrown out of this quaker meeting
i also had uneasy times at the houston quaker meeting
someone said "no controversy" as i was sitting there looking for home
and i left also on the road while i stayed at the mission in fort worth
i went to a quaker meeting at TCU in ft worth
one lady spoke to her concern about all the gay people at the area texasd meeting in austin
i didn't get to the quaker meetings on phoenix nor tuscon
tho i drove by both
st pete meeting is progressive universalist
if you got eldered it would not be an angry one

i bet if you rode up to austin you would like the quaker meeting there
http://www.austinquakers.org/

guess what i sent them your story about your bad experience at the san antonio meeting, identified myself as a st pete fl friend
so when they reply to my email i'll let ya know.

thanks for sojourning with me
and you sure kept track too
very speciial amigo

Post by **stilltrucking** » October 26th, 2009, 7:02 am

He was acting from his belief of what what was best for The Life of the Meeting It was probably for the best.

I have attended Silent Meetings in Pittsburgh PA, San Luis Obispo CA. Baltimore, Washington DC. The Washington DC Meeting was a "pop corn" Meeting strangers would come and pop up with all sorts of surreal statements. One woman came every week and sang The Star Spangled Banner. Evenualy I think the Meeting got an injunction against her. I think the clerk of the San Antonio was concerned that I was going to make the Meeting a "pop corn" Meeting.

I think it worked out for the best.

Someone at the Washington DC said that the CIA was keeping a file on some subversive commie fink named George Fox. I thouht what a man, dead four hundred years and still a threat to the government.

Old George said
"I knew there was one who could speak to my condition" Refering to the Chirst Jesus.

Nietzsche admired Christ I think. and believed there was only ever one Christian.

Nietzsche on Jesus (not sure about the German English translation, I have to check it out)

Jesus starts directly with the condition the "Kingdom of Heaven" in the heart, and he does not find the means to it in the observances of the Jewish church; the reality of Judaism itself (its need to preserve itself) he regards as nothing; he is purely inward.—
He likewise ignores the entire system of crude formalities governing intercourse with God: he opposes the whole teaching of repentance and atonement; he demonstrates how one must live in order to feel "deified"—and how one will not achieve it through repentance and contrition for one's sins: "Sin is of not account" is his central judgment.
Sin, repentance, forgiveness—none of this belongs here—it is acquired from Judaism, or it is pagan. [1]

The Will To Power, aphorism #160

Jesus opposed the commonplace life with a real life, a life in truth: nothing was further from him than the stupid nonsense of an "eternalized Peter," an eternal personal survival. What he fights against is this exaggerated inflation of the "person": how can he desire to eternize precisely that?
In the same way he fights against hierarchy within the community: he does not promise that reward shall be proportionate to performance: how can he have meant punishment and reward in the beyond!? [3]

ibid aphorism #166

Post by **stilltrucking** » November 7th, 2009, 6:07 am

"Religion from Tolstoy to Camus" by Walter Kaufmann.

From the introduction

My own views of Jesus and Paul which differ sharply from Nietzsche's are developed in Chapter 8 of The Faith of a Heretic Here it might suffice to remark that Nietzsche's conception of Jesus seems to me highly implausible, but that I should say as much of most reconstructions of Jesus' character. At least Nietzche's is more thought provoking than most

If not for Nietzsche I would still be a Jesus freak today. Nothing wrong with that but through an accident of birth I would have wound up as a Jew for Jesus.

I think the N*zi's viewed Christianity as a Jewish plot to enslave the superman.

Sorry about the digression Jim.

I am afraid to turn on the TV, I just can't stand to hear any news lately.

Post by **jimboloco** » November 25th, 2009, 3:39 pm

Neitche says the anti Christ is the movement to diefy him.

He had it right, I mean, we care more about the story of the Nativity and of his cruci-fiction and resurrection than we do about his attitude and rebellion.

He "ignores the entire system of crude formalities governing intercourse with God: he opposes the whole teaching of repentance and atonement; he demonstrates how one must live in order to feel "deified"—and how one will not achieve it through repentance and contrition for one's sins: "Sin is of not account" is his central judgment.

I don't get that last part. But I know that Fred was against artificial spiritual authority. Sin is always accountable, it hurts the perpretator.

Anyhow, San Marcos also has a Meeting. I also have some growing to do in terms of going to meeting straight and receptive, not so full of my own agenda. One day, I will get there on time.

Post by **stilltrucking** » November 25th, 2009, 7:33 pm

I did not know Johns Hopkins was a Quaker.

"Just like the gentiles do

A Provocative Icon

_______________________________

Remembering Johns Hopkins Hospital
the main lobby entrance with the giant statue of Christ in the lobby
I got bit in the eye by a dog when I was about three it tore some ligament in my eye. One of my eyes looked like this.

My mother had to take me to the Wilmer Eye clinic at Hopkins every week, she never went in the main entrance to the hospital unless the side entrance was closed. That statue spooked her, (for good reason, the pogroms) she did not want to walk by it. She did not want to look at it, she held onto my hand tightly and walked fast by it. . But I have fond memories of it.

I am re-reading The Faith of A Heretic. I will get back to you on this bit asap

He "ignores the entire system of crude formalities governing intercourse with God: he opposes the whole teaching of repentance and atonement; he demonstrates how one must live in order to feel "deified"—and how one will not achieve it through repentance and contrition for one's sins: "Sin is of not account" is his central judgment.

Be back I need to sleep on that.

I will also be back with more on Walter Kaufmann. A very interesting writer. Not many people were converting to Judaism in Germany during the 1930's but he did. Later he found out that all four of his grandparents were Jews but both of his parents had converted to Christianity.

Meanwhile I thought you might get a kick of this:

Post by **jimboloco** » December 2nd, 2009, 11:12 pm

ha ha ha ha hahaha ahhhhh

Dear Jimboloco or visa versa
Just Joking.!!!!

Jim
I really appreciate your thoughts and I am Sure that you would have been a
great General. I have often wondered what my life would have been like if I had
stayed in the service after the war. I was caught up in the enthusiasm we all had
for "Going Home". Well our lives are full of what if's. We must all learn to do the best
we can for the only time there is, which is NOW. Of course we learn and move on.

We are very pleased at how you have done and that you have a good life with a good wife.
and you are able to do good for others, which is what life is for. You will be fine as long
as you can go to sit on Santa's lap.

Your Grandmother and Grandfather and your Father are proud of you.

Love
Drew & Jammy

my dad's brother and his wife, so wonderful to hear, a gift like no other.

Post by **stilltrucking** » December 12th, 2009, 8:30 pm

Sorry

Here's the wikipedia explanation of the meaning of eye-rolling [emoticon] from a western point of view:

Eye-rolling: Rotating the eyes upward may have the following meanings. It may indicate condescension, contempt, boredom, or exasperation. The gesture is often for a rescue from boredom or frustration. It can be interpreted as the equivalent of saying, "I don't like this" or "I think this is really stupid" or "I simply can't believe this."

Post by **jimboloco** » December 17th, 2009, 9:32 am

there's nothing wrong with you being blessed by jesus
the wikepedia is also malleable to re-interpretation
a even added a post to master lin moy in the wikepedia
with references from the tai chi manual

i placed the rolling eyes to elicit a state of WONDER, man

jesus communed with moses and elijah
mohammed communed with jesus and moses

it's all true

anyhow shaken down by my straight state and recovery from another depressive bout as i was doing so

god bless us all

i could have been a dead private, too.

Post by **jackofnightmares** » December 20th, 2009, 7:36 am

there's nothing wrong with you being blessed by jesus

If that is what I said above I sure am a shit writer. It is sure not what I meant to say. I was blessed by the doctors at the Wilmer eye clinic not that statue of Jesus.
What I am grateful for is that old Quaker who founded the hospital. And it was the Christ within him that inspired him to do that. I guess that could be interpreted as blessed by Christ. But at the time I was not feeling blessed by Christ. Just in awe of that huge statue towering over us.

I am sorry to mislead you by being so inarticulate What I was trying to say is how in awe of that statue I was. I was only three or four years old clutching my mothers hand and the statue was thirty feet tall looming over us and I could tell my mother was spooked by it. Too many pogroms came to her mind. Too many Jews murdered in the name of Christ

The only thing I owe Jesus for is a good nights sleep when I was desperate for oblivion.
Suicide was a hobby of mine as a child. I could have been a dead eight year old hanging in a closet.

I smoked pot last week for the first time in a couple of months. It was nice but now I remember why I stopped. The coming down is not worth the going up anymore. It is not my drug anymore, but it was sweet while it lasted. The diabetic mood swings are too much. Maybe I should get down on my knees again and pray to Jesus for help like I did that night I was sleepless in Washington DC after my vasectomy. But I don't want to keep bugging him with my prayer requests every thirty years or so.
Because when I got my prayer answered that night it also said now stand up and walk like a man. So here I am thirty four years later still doing the walk of life. One foot on the Jesus road and one foot in the grave.

The only prayer that matters to me anymore is gratitude. And in spite of the black mood swings I am still grateful to be alive. Grateful I did not succumb to my suicidal and homicidal impulses. Grateful for the grace that saved a wretch like me.

I am glad you got that letter jimbo. I remember what your grandmother said about you when you became a C.O. I think she was in pain when she said that about your father not being alive to see you. That letter from your uncle was sweet. I am an uncle myself. Sometimes it is the only thing I got going for me.

I will stop hijacking your posts.
I am sorry about this.
I will do my best not to do this again.

keep on keeping on jimbo
Doing the walk of life.

Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

I Could Have Been a General.

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