Medicated Mixup

[Sober Duck]

Medicated Mixup
by
Richard Moylan Jr.

Not to long ago, back in 84 I think it was I found myself with two painfully irritated afflictions. The day before I had somehow severely pulled my left shoulder muscle. I couldn't even turn my head. At the same time I was battling a somewhat large hemorrhoid. One about the size of a grape and had a simular resemblence. So you can imagine I was pretty miserable. I could not get comfortable for nothing, no way, didn't matter what I did, life sucked. The only relief I could come up with came from two over the counter tubes, Ben Gay and Preperation-H. Yep, a little dab'll do ya.

Well, for a while my self prescribed treatment of grease and goo seemed to bring relief but one night everything went hay wire. I was in quite a hurry trying to be ready on time. My wife scolding me adding to the stress of being late. I hurried through my shower, grabbed a towel and hastely dried and just before dressing I applied my prescribed goos. That's when it happened! Somehow I got my Preperation-H mixed up with my Ben Gay. OH MY GOD! I was on fire. There was nothing I could do. Even sitting bare-assed in the snow would not extinguish the burn of my heated hemorrhoid. Don't get me wrong, I was thankful for the snow.

To this day I still suffer from my experience. Everytime I see or hear a Preperation-H commerical I break out in a sweat and my shoulder begins to throb. Go figure. I will have to admit though. That ole Ben Gay seemed to cure my hemorrhoids. Haven't had one since.