Two Jokes.

[Sober Duck]

Joke #1
There was this man who decided to take a few days off and build an addition on to his house.
He went to the local lumber yard and bought enough materials to build the floor and framework. He bagan the work and at the end of the day when he finished he realized that he had planned out the job so well that he had not one scrap of wood left, not even a nail. He was so amazed he decided to continue. He went and bought siding and shingles for the roof. As he finished for that day he was once again amazed as he took the last roofing nail and shingle and nailed them in place. He looked around and found that he used every scrap of material. Nothing left. The next morning he could not start early enough. All he had left to do was build the fire place. So he went and bought enough bricks and morter for the job. At the end of the day as he set the last brick and he scraped the last bit of morter out of his bucket he was sure that he had done it again. Unfortunately when he turned around to leave he found on the ground, A STUPID HALF A BRICK! Well he got so mad that he took that brick and threw it as hard as he could up in the air. LOL!!!

Joke #2
A business man from Texas had just settled down on his flight back to Texas. Just after take off the no smoking sign went off so he reached into his pocket and pulled out the biggest cigar a man could smoke. As he lit up the stogy a parrot in a cage in the lap of another passenger started squacking and raising hell. The passenger asked the Texan if he would put his cigar out, it was bothering the parrot. He replyed, no, I paid for a smoking seat and by god I'm smoking this cigar. Well as the parrot squacked an arguement insued and they both became very disruptive. A stewardess came over and asked if they all would calm down. Before she knew it she was drawn into the arguement and the parrot squacked on. Finally, the stewardess could not take any more and shouted out, "why don't you throw that stinky cigar out the window and you take that annoying bird and throw it out the window too!" Well the two passengers looked at each other and decided to do just that so out the window the cigar and parrot went.
The next twenty minutes of the flight was quiet without incedent until the passengers started hearing that parrot squacking again. He was outside the plane looking in a window squacking and raising more hell than ever, And you will never guess what that parrot had in his mouth? A STUPID HALF A BRICK!