The World According to Murphy

Creative complaints & humor.
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sasha
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The World According to Murphy

Post by sasha » August 10th, 2016, 12:13 pm

The following laws are immutable. No one is exempt:

Law #1: The probability of rain is in direct proportion to the amount of time spent planning the cookout, and in inverse proportion to the number of vegetables you've planted.

Law #2: Two cars traveling in opposite directions on an otherwise deserted road will meet at the narrowest part of the road.

Law #3: The corniest song in your playlist will queue up whenever you enter a crowded parking lot.

Law #4: You meet the most attractive members of the opposite sex on your worst hair day.

Law #5: The probability of forgetting the email attachment is directly proportional to the number of recipients times the number of pay grades above your own they occupy.

Law #6: Storm-induced power outages can be prevented by preparing for them. Lack of preparation, on the other hand, will cause them to happen. (Corollary: These outages will occur when the pantry is empty and the laundry hamper is full.)

Law #7: The phone call you're waiting for will arrive when you step out to check the mail.

Law #8: You only get splinters in your dominant hand, and only where they are the hardest to reach with the other.

Law #9: Regardless of what the errand is, you will forget to bring at least one crucial item (wallet, glasses, shopping list, etc.).

Law #10: When you need hot water, you will have just run cold. When you need cold, you will have just run hot. (Corollary: If you need to stop the car to consult a map, clip a hangnail, or similar task, the light will turn green just as you get there. If you urgently need to use a toilet, it will turn red.)

Law #11: Eyeglasses and car keys are capable of spontaneous teleportation. Socks can violate the principle that matter can neither be created nor destroyed.

Law #12: The last bill will arrive in the mail the day after you send out checks covering all the others.
.
"Falsehood flies, the Truth comes limping after it." - Jonathan Swift, ca. 1710

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sasha
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Re: The World According to Murphy

Post by sasha » August 11th, 2016, 3:03 pm

#13: The pine needle stuck under the wiper blade will always be at eye level on the driver's side. Always.
.
"Falsehood flies, the Truth comes limping after it." - Jonathan Swift, ca. 1710

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Doreen Peri
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Re: The World According to Murphy

Post by Doreen Peri » September 10th, 2016, 12:16 am

Haha! Just saw these. These are great! Thanks, Sasha.

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judih
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Re: The World According to Murphy

Post by judih » September 10th, 2016, 3:30 am

One murphy additional thorn: the computer will freeze just as the most urgent message has yet to be sent and the last bus to whichever vital meeting you must attend is about to depart.

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sasha
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Re: The World According to Murphy

Post by sasha » September 12th, 2016, 11:00 am

Most welcome, Doreen!
judih wrote:One murphy additional thorn: the computer will freeze just as the most urgent message has yet to be sent and the last bus to whichever vital meeting you must attend is about to depart.
And a corollary to this might be "The office copier is most likely to jam when your are surreptitiously running copies of your resume or other contraband."
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"Falsehood flies, the Truth comes limping after it." - Jonathan Swift, ca. 1710

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judih
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Re: The World According to Murphy

Post by judih » September 12th, 2016, 10:26 pm

And a corollary to this might be "The office copier is most likely to jam when your are surreptitiously running copies of your resume or other contraband."
ah, sasha, yes

or the one who never stops talking is the one met on the way out the door of an illegitimate rendezvous.

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