The World According to Murphy
Posted: August 10th, 2016, 12:13 pm
The following laws are immutable. No one is exempt:
Law #1: The probability of rain is in direct proportion to the amount of time spent planning the cookout, and in inverse proportion to the number of vegetables you've planted.
Law #2: Two cars traveling in opposite directions on an otherwise deserted road will meet at the narrowest part of the road.
Law #3: The corniest song in your playlist will queue up whenever you enter a crowded parking lot.
Law #4: You meet the most attractive members of the opposite sex on your worst hair day.
Law #5: The probability of forgetting the email attachment is directly proportional to the number of recipients times the number of pay grades above your own they occupy.
Law #6: Storm-induced power outages can be prevented by preparing for them. Lack of preparation, on the other hand, will cause them to happen. (Corollary: These outages will occur when the pantry is empty and the laundry hamper is full.)
Law #7: The phone call you're waiting for will arrive when you step out to check the mail.
Law #8: You only get splinters in your dominant hand, and only where they are the hardest to reach with the other.
Law #9: Regardless of what the errand is, you will forget to bring at least one crucial item (wallet, glasses, shopping list, etc.).
Law #10: When you need hot water, you will have just run cold. When you need cold, you will have just run hot. (Corollary: If you need to stop the car to consult a map, clip a hangnail, or similar task, the light will turn green just as you get there. If you urgently need to use a toilet, it will turn red.)
Law #11: Eyeglasses and car keys are capable of spontaneous teleportation. Socks can violate the principle that matter can neither be created nor destroyed.
Law #12: The last bill will arrive in the mail the day after you send out checks covering all the others.
Law #1: The probability of rain is in direct proportion to the amount of time spent planning the cookout, and in inverse proportion to the number of vegetables you've planted.
Law #2: Two cars traveling in opposite directions on an otherwise deserted road will meet at the narrowest part of the road.
Law #3: The corniest song in your playlist will queue up whenever you enter a crowded parking lot.
Law #4: You meet the most attractive members of the opposite sex on your worst hair day.
Law #5: The probability of forgetting the email attachment is directly proportional to the number of recipients times the number of pay grades above your own they occupy.
Law #6: Storm-induced power outages can be prevented by preparing for them. Lack of preparation, on the other hand, will cause them to happen. (Corollary: These outages will occur when the pantry is empty and the laundry hamper is full.)
Law #7: The phone call you're waiting for will arrive when you step out to check the mail.
Law #8: You only get splinters in your dominant hand, and only where they are the hardest to reach with the other.
Law #9: Regardless of what the errand is, you will forget to bring at least one crucial item (wallet, glasses, shopping list, etc.).
Law #10: When you need hot water, you will have just run cold. When you need cold, you will have just run hot. (Corollary: If you need to stop the car to consult a map, clip a hangnail, or similar task, the light will turn green just as you get there. If you urgently need to use a toilet, it will turn red.)
Law #11: Eyeglasses and car keys are capable of spontaneous teleportation. Socks can violate the principle that matter can neither be created nor destroyed.
Law #12: The last bill will arrive in the mail the day after you send out checks covering all the others.