Further misadventures of Paddy Murphy
Posted: January 1st, 2020, 1:32 pm
Into the pub comes Paddy, his left eye blackened and swollen shut. He beckons Seamus the barkeep to pour him a shot of whisky.
Seamus does so and says, "Well now Paddy, what have you gotten yerself into this time?"
Paddy pounds the drink down and extends the glass towards Seamus for a refill. "You'd never believe it," he says pointing to his shiner, "but I got this at Sunday Mass."
"Did you now," Seamus says, refilling the glass. "And how might that have happened?"
"Well," Paddy says, "I was sitting behind this fat lady, and when we stood for the Gospel I noticed her dress was creased between the cheeks of her bottom. So, being the gentleman I am, I leaned forward and pulled it out for her."
"And she turned and smacked you," Seamus ventures.
"That she did," affirms Paddy.
A week later Paddy shows up again. Now both eyes are blackened. "God help us, man," Seamus exclaims. "Whatever happened now?"
"I got this one at Sunday Mass, too," Paddy explains. "I'd taken my nephew with me, and wouldn't you know it, we found ourselves sitting behind the same lady. And when we rose for the Benediction, her dress was folded into her bum, just like the last time."
"And did ye not learn your lesson then?" asks Seamus.
"Oh but I did," Paddy says. "'Twas my little nephew who pulled it out this time. But I knew she didn't like that, so I tucked it back in."
Seamus does so and says, "Well now Paddy, what have you gotten yerself into this time?"
Paddy pounds the drink down and extends the glass towards Seamus for a refill. "You'd never believe it," he says pointing to his shiner, "but I got this at Sunday Mass."
"Did you now," Seamus says, refilling the glass. "And how might that have happened?"
"Well," Paddy says, "I was sitting behind this fat lady, and when we stood for the Gospel I noticed her dress was creased between the cheeks of her bottom. So, being the gentleman I am, I leaned forward and pulled it out for her."
"And she turned and smacked you," Seamus ventures.
"That she did," affirms Paddy.
A week later Paddy shows up again. Now both eyes are blackened. "God help us, man," Seamus exclaims. "Whatever happened now?"
"I got this one at Sunday Mass, too," Paddy explains. "I'd taken my nephew with me, and wouldn't you know it, we found ourselves sitting behind the same lady. And when we rose for the Benediction, her dress was folded into her bum, just like the last time."
"And did ye not learn your lesson then?" asks Seamus.
"Oh but I did," Paddy says. "'Twas my little nephew who pulled it out this time. But I knew she didn't like that, so I tucked it back in."