viva la

[creativesoul]

i suppose that understanding is quite over rated
as is often true even with the best of passion, sooner or later you must find something else to do that feeds your soul. ambition has it s strange bedfellows and lost on the places of the soul where dents in the bumpers of my cars on the interior need new seats and comfortable places to ride while still entangled in this body.
i have found myself wanting things that feel like time and leisure, i feel the pressure of the things that i have longed to achieve and i watch as they land slowly on the trampoline in slow motion with a bounce
as the list increases of what i must do
i recently had the pleasure of finding a female shrink that tore the scabs off my wounds with a few simple and harmless questions, seems i have always chosen people, women that were like my mother, and somehow until i learn this lesson i will continue to do so. i guess somewhere i still want my mommy
i am a child and i am in the park and my lip is bleeding and i dont want to tell anyone who my mommy is because she will be mad, that we have to go to the emergency room, and i know it.
i do not want the mommy to get mad.
i would do anything if she would just be nice. i would lie cheat and steal if she would smile and be happy.
i tried all those things
my mom was still mad, and i never knew exactly why. i always thought it was something i did or could have done differently, and well it was not. Now i feel that endless need for approval and i find myself having friends that have the identical problems as I do and no one is going anywhere fast. that is why i got the female shrink, so she pulled off those scabs and i got a headache and i could not breathe and i was filled with fear, had to get naked and went to sleep afterwards. i guess when you pull at wounds it is rather tied to the other areas of a secret map that makes no sense even to those that sail the strangest of winds.
i have another appt and i wonder what will get dreged up next time, an old tire, a sunken car, a quiet place i used to go?
will i be the only one that knows?
i have spent an awful lot of time trying to get well, and maybe i just will not? i have hopes that some how i can untie this knot in my gut that when it comes loose things will be better feel better
but i suspect i will get thrown out of treatment like tony soprano

[stilltrucking]

but i suspect i will get thrown out of treatment like tony soprano

Believe it or not I have never seen that show. So I can't follow the story line there.

Just curious but when you say "shrink" does that mean she is a medical doctor? I am a child of the fifties, when someone said shrink back then we meant a pyschiatrist. Someone who was trained as medical doctor.

I want my mommy too, but my baby sister wants her even more.

"The mother is the first awesome miracle that haunts the child his whole life, whther he lives within her powerful aura or rebels against it."
The Denial of Death. Ernest Becker

http://faculty.washington.edu/nelgee/

I like your style CS
thanks for writing.

[Arcadia]

"Creo que siempre, o casi siempre, en todas las infancias y en todas las vidas que siguen, la madre representa la locura. Nuestras madres siguen siendo siempre las personas más extrañas y locas que hemos conocido jamás". Marguerite Duras

I enjoyed the reading too!!

[creativesoul]

it is the spaghetti of new york mob westerns
it is all right
they kill off people pretty quick
must be running out of show

[creativesoul]

it is the spaghetti of new york mob westerns
it is all right
they kill off people pretty quick
must be running out of show