finals of final

[creativesoul]

when i was young and the black and white televison was on forever, the little indian came on and they said" this is a test"
then that wierd american song came on and the white noise, no more t.v for that day.
this week i have white noise in my head, i just did a painting final and got a study guide for my sociology of women class, and took a quiz. it is a miracle really that i am still here at all. I sleep in the on campus AA meeting and dream of foot rubs and massage.
today I have the oppurtunity to have a discussion with my previous shrink, yes that is a "psychatrist" the one that decided he could take me off ambien at mid terms. i do not care who you sleep with, but if you do not like me, then do not treat me for mental illness. he clearly decided on some level to sabotage my life. for two weeks i did not sleep hardly at all and got my first F in five years and a D in the same week. i get to share with him today in a good way that I have found a new shrink and that I am going to dance class afterwards. Samba.
I would imagine that my happiness will impair him. My sister was hit by a car yesterday, but took the time tot ell me not to tell him that he is an asshole, or I will get pegged as having oppositional defiance disorder.
"clearly you are not that"
ya know I am very loved in this world. Today I put money in my house partner s bank account and the roommate from hell with the unhappy four leggeds are still living in the house, and no reported conflicts have occured that I need have any part of in no dakota. we are all praying that she stays there. I feel entitled to charge my house mate half of what she got for rent from this poor woman, caught in our war, she is merely there.
my housepartner is like a version of bonanza and the lone ranger and she has clearly fallen for tanto. certainly there is alot about Tanto that i believe is lovable, but somehow I thought him smarter than all that.
I am disappionted in this show, i feel it has a lousy script.
I am ready to change the channel, even if it has to be done mannually.
old fashioned as i can be I found the love, loyality and the charm of mankind in my heart, in my life and i cherished the ideal. i married him.
truth is i know nothing about relationships and love that has not been influenced by ozzie and harriet and hawaii five O. My three sons and leave it to beaver are on alot too, in the tv show I seem to watch the color is all on blue.
I guess depression can leave a scar, but sooner or later you learn to disregard what you do not need. all the exams and the walk down graduation row, will leave me laughing i hope . Somehow I did this without dope
I know there are times when I think drooling in the corner and catching a nod is a great idea, but really it isnt and i am set free.