asking myself why I was with me like that without
answering myself and when I didn't answer,
I realized that I wasn't very good company.
I mean, it's not polite not to answer when someone
asks you a question so I decided to politely tell me off.
Don't you think you could be a little nicer to me?,
I asked myself but I didn't reply because I thought
it was a bold question, undeserving of a response.
Why aren't you answering me?, I asked, but I decided
to ignore the interrogation. I wasn't required to respond.
So I got up and left myself sitting there alone.
It was a way of making a statement
to me about how rude I was being.
Ever since then, I haven't spoken to myself.
I don't even reply to the emails I send me.
I've come to the conclusion that the relationship
is not worth continuing. When we first started out,
we'd have interesting dialogues but through the years,
it has slowly become a one-sided conversation,
so why should I bother?
One of the last times we talked, I was telling myself all the ways
I needed to change because I wasn't enjoying my life.
But I'm not going to take that from anyone, especially me!
Who the hell am I to tell me I have to change! That's none of my business!
I'm going to be me, regardless, so it's not worth arguing about.
I learned from that conversation not to speak to me again
which is why I rudely don't answer when I ask myself
why I'm not answering.
I've discovered a lot about myself through my attempts to carry
on these conversations. I refuse to be treated in such an uncivil
manner. These days, I won't even go into the same room with me
because I treasure my self respect so much so that I refuse to
subject myself to the lack of consideration and acknowledgment
I deserve.
This year, I'm taking a separate vacation.
I'm not even going! I didn't invite myself!
I'll enjoy my time away much more this way.
dp.6.24.07
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