the forest for the tree

[creativesoul]

how can you explain it to a white man. why we do the things we do, the ceremonies, the generosity of spirit, the laughter, the sharing of food?
the tenderness and sorrow that I feel having walked in two worlds, only to be reminded of human suffering, like fingerprints, each line of a strange emotional tatoo, that causes humans to imagine that some how we are so different from each other, or that we should be more alike, or that the perspective of one another should impose a fit "like glove to a hand", fire burns from energy center to center, aglow, wild with the spirit world, my suffering is that we cannot find a connection with each other. The things that I see and feel are somehow floating in the air with colors intermingled and messages meant for me, from a world I can visit when all of us are praying together in the sun dance arbor, like a machine of energy, we pray for the people of future generations.
sometimes i can lay down in a place where someone I know has been, and I can feel what they feel.
I have been blessed with a spiritual heart.
I can speak my truth, even at the risk of you walking away.My world with you or without you in it, is still my world. It does not really matter if I love you or not.I must have peace.
Sadness is what happenes when I realize that I am flooded with your life and mine seems to not matter to much to you. I think my ideas about passion and sex are threatening to you, hence the passive aggressive behavior.It does not matter how I approach you, it is always the same outcome, and it always hurts. fights and communication langauage and total disrespect. emotion is "an episode". accusation: "you were freaking out because i was on the computer"
i asked what he was doing from the other room. it almost seems like we learned english in different villages.
defensive and resistant to anyone or anything that interferes with he wants for himself===== whatever it is at that moment.
i can assure you that I did not come this far to be treated as an "interference."
i know beyond the shadow of doubt that my prayers will be exaimined closely by the spirit world, that his hook nose and impersonation of a garden vegetable when he is off work, and that strange cruelty he gets in his very dark brown eyes will have to be re-evaluated.
you see i know how i lived my life up until now, and I know how he claims he lived his. hard lessons ahead my man. Freedom is something that requires a moment of introspection, refelection and even some travel.
you cannot have what belongs to me on the inside. if the only thing that i own is my body, than i have given, and will walk this way forever and when i die, it will be a good day to die.

[hester_prynne]

Connections don't exist in the deep darks, and it is a rare raven that will go there and thrive alone among the fairy tale pines and solitary paths where only you and your shadow's feet will fit. Walk long and hard and stop indulging distractions from your selfness, for you will only meet joy on your way, everything you conjure from it will disappoint you and vanish like the stain of nicotine on your teeth doesn't.
Load your baskets with gifts to share and cut the strings of attachment. Be patient with those parts of the trail where your habits of wanting, bedevil you into donning contempt's cunning mask, rationalizing your own self-deceit into something meritorious. You are mostly nothing and rarely something and rare times are still to come. Wait for them princess, bask in them, and remember, there is no constant but your dream.

Loved your post CS
H

[wannabeguru]

Alone today among the tall fairy tale pines I knew to look for you.
Why I cannot say...a feeling, a sense...just knew to look in.
And there. You were. Alas many days has the gloom covered the connection.
Challenged by aggressiveness no. Invoked!
May the day bring you your peace.
And my smile.