two short unrelated poems

[joel]

Tambourines and guitars swing in time with treetop metronomes.
Curveball off-key pitches strike no bold-sung voice ashamed to be heard.
Blessed sing those whose pastimes hold the most tone-deaf fowl sing well.

____________


Like sun burned fresh within, upon the every writhing scale
in violent leaps and thrashes down that vertically impale
an instinct being’s eyes upon sure stinging force,
so urgent chapel flames against their cascade puddles flail.

[Trevor]

Hi Joel and welcome, pleasure to meet you.

I really liked your brave word choices and frugality. And I like when I read something that challenges me to re-read it several times before both forming an opinion, and making a reader's choice of what the piece may be about.

The first poem I percieved was about the beauty of doing something passionately, such as music or singing, regardless of talent -- wrapped in a pastime use of wood metaphor (almost implying baseball on occasion). Not sure about the use of fowl, double entendre -- guessing that it means even though fowl make a foul sound, they are also creating something beautiful to their ear as well. Anyways, that's what I got from that. Again, good word choice that forces the reader to think regardless if they arrive at the conclusion of the author.

The second offering I'm seeing as a sexual metaphor.

"upon the every writhing scale "

Is a fantastic word choice which blends in ever so nicely with; "in violent leaps and thrashes down that vertically impale "

And I just have to say I love the contrast in thought and imagery in the last line (that is if I'm interpretting it all correctly)

"so urgent chapel flames against their cascade puddles flail."

As the fires of passion fly upward, the physical wetness of it all seeps downward.

Anyways, really good minimalist stuff...good word misering, effective because it gets the reader to search beyond the words. Thanks for posting.

Trev

[joel]

Thanks for the welcome and the comments, Trev.

One of the benefits and risks I enjoy finding in shorter poetic forms is that a lot more gets left to the reader.

My takes on ther second poem never actually saw a sexual metaphor...but from what you pointed out, Freud could probably have a hey day with me. Thanks for helping me read my own thoughts in a different light and for deepening the level of context for me.

-joel

[Trevor]

Hi Joel,

One of the benefits and risks I enjoy finding in shorter poetic forms is that a lot more gets left to the reader.

So do I, but only if its well done...otherwise it comes off as nothing. It's tricky stuff in my opinion and can just as easily explode in a writer's face. You really have to pick the wording carefully in order for it to be effective...and I thought you did a good job of that with these poems.

So I'd like to ask if I was close on my interpretation of the first poem? And also, if it was not a sexual metaphor, what was the second poem about? Was it simply about impalement? Perhaps crucifixion?

Freud could probably have a hey day with me. Thanks for helping me read my own thoughts in a different light and for deepening the level of context for me.

LOL...I think Freud would have a hey day with anyone....."Trevor, is that a hot dog you are eating?"

"Yes Dr. Freud. Why?", the good doctor did not reply but just smiled as he unclipped his suspenders releasing his pants to fall past his knees and bunch up at his ankles.

There was only thing left for me to say, "Would you like mustard on that?"

But yeah, getting away from the Freud thing, it's always interesting, especially in minimalistic poetry, to hear the different interpretations that arise. The longer a piece gets, the more clearly defined it should or usually becomes so it doesn't happen as often in longer prose or stories....hardly think anyone thinks the bible is a metaphor for football....though you'd never know it by the amount athletes pray for victory and thank Jesus when they win...who knew god was such a sports fan. Anyways, look forward to reading some of your other work in the future. Take care.

[joel]

So then, , as to the first poem...

I rent a room in a student community in Munich and live on the second floor (first floor in Europe), directly above a day-center for folks with physically and mentally unique developments. My windows open onto a fantastically green yard where I see nothing but stetches of green and Chestnut trees and hummingbirds and amsels--which sing all day in ways that make Europe something really amazing for a North American kid. I never see when the folks from downstairs go outside, but I hear them on music-therapy days. By musical standards, they're terrible singers; by standards of pure self-confidence and joy, they're my master teachers. The amsels can get annoying and their songs are repetitive, but they never sound less than beautiful. That's they way I choose to hear my neighbors too.

I can't play baseball worth much of anything, but I wish I could. I would never sing my heart out in a World Ciy in the middle of the day with people all around, but I wish I would.

_____________________

As for the openness of shorter words and their relation to faith...interesting how strong a theme the Bible holds, for all its verbage to delineate and expound upon the mysteries of faith, in trying to reduce most of the verbage down to two simple concepts.

_____________________

I appreciate your comments and their thursting me back to think and examine. Thanks a lot,

joel