pc I have a bit more workbut please tell me what you think!
Posted: January 17th, 2005, 2:14 pm
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Jack Sr. sounds like he has some passive-agressive problems, tho.Life’s crazy nature, and hate and love and funny stupid crazy relationships—never coming to be.
Now tell me, why would I want to read further, with a fucking introduxction like that.?1.A father and son
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Jack Jagger was a short, fat, sixty year old, a gray balding head of hair, and a set of blue eyes. He was known as a mean old bastard, as these types generally are known. But in Jack’s big balding brain things were different. If only people could look beyond his rough exterior and in to his soul, which he thought was boundless with deep and profound thoughts. Of what? Jack didn’t know that, but he use to.
He owned a bar, which did not help matters (Fat short balding man that works and owns a bar. He was like an Archie Bunker type characters in many eyes.) “Jack’s” was everything but a nice place to take your son on his wedding day for the reception and that’s why when Jack jr. got married. He (Jack sr.) rented out a large hall. It was up town and in a nice neighborhood.
Jagger sr. stood there in the doorway of the big hall with all the smile he could muster, every last bit of it. No one showed up. His own son said they’d all be there by 9 o’clock pm and it was 12 o’clock by the time sr. called it quits and went home. Jack and his son were not doing what you call ‘TALKING’ much lately. Just a short phone call here and there to make sure the other was not dead.
On the way home he passed by an old bum on his left hand side that he noticed. Grey old beard, a yellow smile. Wearing an old professor’s jacket, Suede patches, and all. Looking up in to the sky. Jagger kept looking at the old vagabond bastard until the bum said:
-Jack?--Jack was surprised a bit because he did not know any bums. Or at least he thought he did not.
-How do you know me?
-The bar. -- Of course the bar. All kinds of old fucks went in to Jagger’s bar. “Cheapest beer in town” read the sign out front. Which was a lie but brought in customers. Jack dug in to his pockets and pulled out a bill and handed it to the man, but to his surprise the man refused:
-No no jack, jack no.--The man said. Yellow flecks of something popped out of his mouth-where you headed?-- The bum asked.
-Home.
-Is the bar open?
-Yes.
-Why are you not there?
-Wedding.
-Who’s?-- Jack thought. Do I want to get friendly with this old bum? Business would certainly be as good as it was, if not better, if his bar did not have bums all around pasted out in the corner yelling and pissing themselves. If the bums were not around maybe he could have had his sons wedding reception at his bar. A large pain hit Jacks heart. A large awesome pain that turned to rage and he tackled the old bum to the ground and started beating him, and beating him. The old bum-head bouncing off the ground. Jack just kept going and going beating and even pulling out some elbow drops from the wrestling he watched on TV. After his raging spasm was over jack was worried. Oh shit this old bum could be dead, he thought. This is what worried him, naturally.
Hey Jimbo - is this a critique or a criticism? If it's a critique, why don't you explain to Geoff why you wouldn't want to read any further? What do you find unengaging about his introduction?Now tell me, why would I want to read further, with a fucking introduxction like that.?
Look doreen He DID explain why he did not want to read the rest. I sugest that he does read it, he might see some better writting in there, but it does not matter. I am quite alright with dealing with it all myself, understand Doreen. Thanks for the trying to help me out or explaining what people don't like about it, but really I don't care and I can handle my self. Thanks.doreen peri wrote: Hey Jimbo - is this a critique or a criticism? If it's a critique, why don't you explain to Geoff why you wouldn't want to read any further? What do you find unengaging about his introduction?
Geoff - I haven't read it yet. Probably because your signature calls me a fucker and begs me to read it. LOL!
Hey Geoff.... I'll post wherever the fuck I want to. I don't have to read your story to post on your thread and I have the right as a PERSON to speak to whatever I want to speak to, including the fact that I thought Jimboloco's comment to you sounded like criticism and not critique. I wasn't trying to "help you out." I simply saw a sentence which I wanted to quote and ask for more information about.Look doreen He DID explain why he did not want to read the rest. I sugest that he does read it, he might see some better writting in there, but it does not matter. I am quite alright with dealing with it all myself, understand Doreen. Thanks for the trying to help me out or explaining what people don't like about it, but really I don't care and I can handle my self. Thanks.
If you don't read it don't post under it please.
That's "allowed", not "aloud."Axanderdeath wrote:that is fine. But I too have the right to post what ever I want. If I take his mockery as a crituqe I am aloud to. I am aloud to tell you to back off, right?
doreen peri wrote: That's "allowed", not "aloud."
Aloud is when you speak so someone can hear you. You speak aloud.
Allowed is having permission to do something.
You do not need my permission to post whatever you want but if you tell me "back off" and tell me not to post on your thread when I'm just being myself and posting whatever I want wherever I want, then I have the right to tell you, "No, I will post whatever and wherever I want."