Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

Dear Biotch,

I hate to sound so needy, but your advice has proved so helpful and down to earth and I need your help again.
I don't like to go Christmas shopping, you see. I would rather flip the bimbo a couple of Franklins and say, "Go buy yourself something nice, toots."

But this year there's a babe I'm really trying to impress. She's a statuesque girl with legs that reach all the way to the ground. Healthy type. I was wanting to give her some jewelry or sexy lingerie or fine perfume, but what she says she really wants is a bottle of MD 20/20 Gold Label Special Reserve. It costs six dollars a quart, and that might seem like a lot for MD 20/20, but I just wanted to be a little more generous with my gift (ok, sure, I'm trying to get into her pants and it will be easier if she feels obligated by expensive gifts)

What should I do?

Les S. Amore

PS--Should I worry if she has an Adam's apple?

Wait a darn minute here!
Lester!
You told me you were going to stop talking about Stacey, we are all quite tired of her you know, she really is no good for your image. Really now, comport yourself.
I do enjoy that picture you have up
What the handsome fellow our father was

Monita

I thought we agreed that you weren't going to call me Lester any Amore. At least in public. My first agent told me it should be Les because Lester sounded like a guy in the library with glasses studying economics.

And as for Stacey, you know she is my obsession. Sure, her high heel marks are all up and down my back. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.

Les

Well!
You are impossible to talk to Lester! I refuse to call you anything other than what mother named you! How insulted she'll be when she finds out that you go parading on the internet under this guise

I do hope you will be respectful and not bring your cheap floozie to Christmas, I assure you dinner will be positively ruined if you bring anyone other than your dear friend Daphne. How is the poor dear faring after you trampled her heart with your idiocy? I do hope you reconsider seeing her again, she was quite the gal.

I do say this is the most ridiculous column I have seen.

How truly unflattering and humiliating to see my younger sibling involving himself in such uncouth affairs.

I'm surprised that you would be admitting that you are my senior, even if it is by only seven minutes. But we are young yet, Monita. I'm afraid Daphne has dusted her shoes of me since having to endure my escapades. The last straw was when that woman in the lounge threw her panties on stage and I picked them up and put them in the inside pocket of my madras blazer. I know that had to be hard for her, so she took up with that body builder who everyone thought was gay. I still think he is. Anyway, Daphne won't be coming to dinner this year, and the family can be glad. They don't have to endure her poetry.

Monsieur Amore,

It seems you have a name confused. Or maybe it's me who's confused. Are you speaking of Daphne Pickering? She is the partner of Les Roderick. Not you. I believe you need to study up on your internet history. Or I do.

Perhaps you're thinking of another Daphne because Daphne Pickering doesn't write poetry. She's a Radio Personality not a poet.

I just heard from her today. She's still starring in the Roderick-Pickering Hour on NPR. She and her Les are quite happy, she tells me, and will be spending the holidays at their island retreat. They are writing another radio play together which is sure to be a hit. It will air in June, 2005.

I'm not at liberty to divulge the title yet, since their Marketing Manager has told them he wants them to hold off speaking about the play in public for now. So, she told me not to mention the title yet.

Maybe I'll speak with Pickering and Roderick and ask them to stop by to grace us with a few exchanged lines.

-dp

ps- I thought you told me your sister's name was Monica, not Monita.

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ohh... and Mona... Welcome to Studio Eight! Looking forward to more of your posts.