Unspeakable Visions

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http://www.vancouver.sfu.ca/~hayward/Un ... tents.html

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Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for yr own joy

My own secrete joy
To know what I am

I will never hide from myself again.

Silent snow
Secrete thoughts
The doctor

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I try to remember these are my good old days, good times or bad times.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_too_shall_pass

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divine_grace

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Beginner's Luck
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Non-theist conceptions of grace

From a nontheist, naturalist, and rationalist perspective, the concept of divine grace appears to be the same nonexistent concept as luck.[citation needed] And while this perception may be true (from the point of view of a theist), the concept of grace as defined (though not "divine") is not lost on non-believers.

Other non-theist conceptions of grace, however, are consistent with belief in divinity. Postmodernist philosopher Jacques Derrida, for instance, describes grace as disruption to the human economy of relationships and norms. A genuine gift introduces an otherness that cannot be readily assimilated into its host economy.[17] This has led hermeneutics scholar, Simon Perry, to regard the theological notion of grace as divine otherness inflicting disruption on human (including Christian and Theological) ethical systems.[18]ibid

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Hindu conceptions of grace
Main article: Kripa (philosophy)

Hindu devotional or bhakti literature available throughout India is replete with references to grace (kripa) as the ultimate key required for spiritual self-realization.[13][better citation needed] Some, such as the ancient sage Vasistha, in his classical work Yoga Vasistha, considered it to be the only way to transcend the bondage of lifetimes of karma.[citation needed] One Hindu philosopher, Madhvacharya, held that grace was not a gift from God, but rather must be earned.[

ibid

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Astoria Oregon 1976
After my long night
it was not thoughts of suicide that got me through it, but thoughts of murder. As the sun rose I felt a sense of release. With my head stoved in I realized it was only karma.

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When she lashes out at me like I am her crazy fucking brother, my anger always internalizes and I never think of lashing out at her anymore. The rage turns to suicide.

She talks to me like i am a cunt. When ever she starts bitching out another woman, well mostly other women, but her venomous resentment can turn on her brothers too, not just diamond Lil. When I think I am talking to a friend and let my words come naturally, she abruptly cuts me off, and I think oh I can't talk about that because it pisses her off when she thinks about another woman who she resents.
So I remember I am not her husband, just her brother. I say to her you are fortunate to have a husband. Why do you even talk to me, why do you ask me a question and get so pissed when I answer. So I turn to the bear, my beloved brother in law and say, God bless you doug for taking care of my sister.

No I have only ever wanted to murder one woman. And I can sometimes still feel the warmth of her throat between my hands. Is that like having PTSD?

July Fourth
I have avoided all the TV specials today
watched six episodes of the twilight zone

"A man will walk into hell with both eyes open but even the devil can't fool a dog"

My patriotic voices for today have been Charles Bukowski and Henry Miller

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpHTgshH ... re=related



what did henry miller say about german music in The Tropic of Cancer:

>>>>cross link
Teachers,
http://studioeight.tv/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=21999
Demon's Eye
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