Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

a pissing contest
she always wins
cause she was born woman

her balls are on her chest
she can read my lips
but not my mind

How I read Gertrude Lawrence]

"It is impossible to avoid meaning and if there is meaning and it says what it does there is grammar." (How To Write 71)

"Grammar makes her name trout and love birds."

"A seated pigeon turned makes sculpture."

I awoke and wrote this down but what was I dreaming?

nothing is left of the things that drove me crazy except obsidian words, homicidal words, traces and shadows of the of the man I was, his violent impulses are gone, his thoughts do not elude me, but the emotions were gone. As if I had been lobotomized. obsidian razor traces...

Thinking about Grammar and Syntax and a life sentence

help help me Gertrude get it out of my mind...

On Suicide
And why we should talk more about it
http://harpers.org/blog/2013/06/on-suicide/

a savage god
I worshiped
what did Camus mean
'Sisyphus is happy'

have I come to the end of my road?

A life sentence; punctuation as a purpose in life.

Would I really rather have the void for a purpose?

a dialogue with the my rider.

in my struggle for the legal tender I am a sheep in a lamb's skin

this internet is not for sissies anymore

every month now since I lost all my part time jobs I am falling a little farther behind on the bills, but boy when the money was rolling in we sure all ate good. my little sister and her husband and her son and girl friend, but it was worth it just to see Isabella Rose eat.

I hardly loose any sleep over money anymore. There was a time when I would toss and turn with money worries running round my brain, keeping me from my rest. I wonder if Lew Welch had money troubles did that have anything to do with his death. I remember he wrote a poem about a sandwhich his friend got from a salvation army soup kitchen, a leaf of lettuce between two slices of bread.

Sid's father hung himself because he was worried about money, Marty's father killed himself after his clothing factory went bust. If I was not so tired I would try and find an article I read about Lew and Camus and Sisyphus, and your children.

Of all the reasons for suicide money seems the most absurd, but what if you were worried about your children and you were worth more dead than alive.

I got no children, I got to keep on trucking for my own sake I guess.

so many god dam scams on the net
I just wanna penny a click
all i got to do is figure out which of these buttons to press
fifty bucks a week is all I need
I would work for minimum wage if it was mindless enough and I could sit behind the wheel of a needle nosed pete again.

to be continued
yes I like that better than locking it

if I can't make a penny i'll settle for a banana flavored pellet.

Vonnegut's
big sad ape typing

Trying to sell my ass, voices for sale, let me be your social whore.
I work for peanuts.

a whole industry of telecommuting websites has grown up
some of them are La Brea Tar Pits
This net is a jungle, snares everywhere.
Jack be nimble before you click.

I sure do miss my old job at The Goldwater Foundation.
We have become a nation of work at home moms.
What chance does a guy like me have.

Now would be a good time to get out the door...

I maybe ignorant: I might not know anything about punctuation.


Semi crazy for colons this morningy—A life sentence. I keep thinking about that Barth novel again for some reason That first line "In a sense,I am Jacob Horner." Did I parse that right?

oh well as I said a good time to get out that door suns coming on strong, and I pissed away twenty five minutes of of cool morning air,
Unbelievable, 82 degrees at sunrise!

thanks for reading and taking the time to reply. i heard say nietzsche had only four readers during his life time. I am a lucky guy, amor fati.

I got to find fifty bucks a week, got a speeding ticket, for no good reason, my dreams of humming home sweet home have or has gone down in flames as far as another job like I had with the bus company

trying not to panic

it is only money

and what is money to a jew
The worst part is I lost my gig at the Goldwater foundation; that job has been/was my back up for the back for a few extra bucks these past ten years.(working on this sentence but I got to got to got go now.) Did I just hear thunder or is it Sherman's artillery?

I got so depressed my homeboy bought me a bike, these guys, homeboy and jitterbug they are my first friends then came George Fox and that crowd, now I got virtual friends

doodle courtesy of the jitterbug

Her name was Only Money & she had been kicking it up with a friend of mine by the name of Brew. They lived in a backstairs apartment in Mill Valley out there by 'Frisco. She liked men and good leaf and had no problem looking at you direct - an eye talker of the first order. She had no children of her own & didn't want any but could make any child feel like home around her. She was any kid's older sister or close first cousin and made them all respond with heartfuls of love. Man with a woman like that at his side could cross entire wild continents meet any challenge & any circumstance & any fate & never be blue never feel empty never want for more. She never lorded it over a heart but became part of every heart around her. I mean that serious. She worked as a gardener and groundskeeper. She made and served sandwiches at a local boutique deli and had on Monday & Tuesday a bike messenger job in downtown 'Frisco. You've seen the hills of that town Jack, a bike messenger job in that city is no boy's play. I asked her once if she didn't want more time to herself, to do what she wanted to do, to do what really mattered to her. She smiled put her hand on my upper arm and said, " Don't play at dense, Mr-Looking-for-Answers, I enjoy everything & everything enjoys me back." Hard thing to forget the way she used language. Or lived her life.
When I got out of the Navy she made me promise to stop and see Brew & her before I left 'Frisco forever & I honored that promise. She gifted me for the road that day with food and other items. The last sight I had of her was at the top of the backstairs to their apartment. I was at the foot of the stairs. I looked up at her. Without a word she pointed to herself with the index finger of her right hand then crossed her arms at the wrists and held them against her chest and then pointed with that same finger towards me. Then I was gone ...

Her name was Only Money & that name I never asked her about how she came by it. I have a somewhat severe cash flow problem myself and no job at the moment so I hear ya. Hope my story gives ya a calm spot for a moment which is all any man needs from time to time - just a moment. Here's to the moments a man needs.

" Don't play at dense, Mr-Looking-for-Answers, I enjoy everything & everything enjoys me back." Hard thing to forget the way she used language. Or lived her life.

!!!

"You always get what's coming, you never have to ask...
Many a man has travailed this road faced all the troubles and took all the blows
Shut up Stilltrucking, I am bored with your blues"— jitterbug

"It is not a woman I want―it is all women and I seek for them in those around me, one by one...." —the outsider

they are all my fat lady jesus in the front row
women who do not despise men for being what we are
if only there were more men who don't despise women for being women

thank you for writing that
Calm, yes it was lovely to read

the meta-fiscal blues
going to have to cut back on my leaf consumption, that's it. no big deal
what comes around goes around
that is how it is with me and money
still giving it away after all these years
Cecil was right about me
after all these years still I am still an old fucking fool