Submissions Guide or, How To Create Your Own Novel

[stilltrucking]

http://www.12gauge.com/issue7/novel.html

Submissions Guide
or, How To Create Your Own Novel

Peter Kane

Into the forest walked a child. Out the other side came an adult... What happened in between? Sex? Power? Money? Death? Create your own novel based on the following choices:

1. Does character have...
brown hair?(A)
blonde hair?(B)
black hair?(C)
red hair?(D)
2. Does character eat...
vegetables?(A)
red meats?(B)
fish?(C)
poultry?(D)
3. Does character own...
paint brushes?(A)
a rake?(B)
driving gloves?(C)
dominoes?(D)
4. Does character believe in...
therapy?(A)
organized religion?(B)
astrology?(C)
dirt?(D)

If you have answered a majority (three to four) of the above with the same letter, please construct your novel as follows the letter assigned to this majority. For example, if you have brown hair(A), eat vegetables(A), own a rake(B), and believe in therapy(A), your novel would be type A.

If you have answered two of the above with the same letter, and the remaining two with two distinct and separate letters, then the letter chosen for two of the above determines your novel type. For example, if you have blonde hair(B), eat red meat(B), own driving gloves(C) and believe in dirt(D), your novel would be type B.

If you have answered two of the above with the same letter, and the remaining two with a different but consistent letter, then your novel type becomes the average of the two letters selected. For example, if you have red hair(D), eat poultry(D), own a rake(B) and believe in organized religion(B), your novel would be type C.

If you have answered two of the above with the same letter, and the remaining two with a different but consistent letter, and the average of your letters does not form an exact letter but an "AB", "BC", or "CD", then your novel would be the earlier letter in the alphabet. For example, if you have blonde hair(B), eat red meat(B), own paint brushes(A), and believe in therapy(A), your novel would be type A.

If you have answered all four of the above with different letters, your novel would be type D. This will compensate for the relatively low numer of people with red hair(D), as well as the impossibility of the hybrid average to result in this novel type.

The novel types are as follows:

A. Your main character has brown hair, eats vegetables, owns paint brushes, and believes in therapy. This type of character is unlikely to come to any revelations by means of money or power. Most likely a death will occur to dramatically affect the life of this sensitized believer in the powers of talk. So long as the main character is not the one who dies, this character will go through a tremendous growth cycle with many prospects for real change. A melancholy but comically entertaining sexual outcome should result.

B.This type of character is All-American sit-com material. Sex will be joked about by this natural sex magnet. A strong belief in organized religion will dull the affects of any death which takes place in the story line. Most likely, this character will be in a power struggle, to compete with the Joneses and match material posession for material posession. Large amounts of money do not enter the picture as this "Joe Average" does not wish to compete with those not directly in view.

C. Your main character has black hair, eats fish, owns driving gloves and believes in astrology. This appreciator of the finer things in life will change through the acquisition of money. A taste of the good life is all this character needs to know that there's no turning back. Tragedy may surround the sex life of this character as the need for money overtakes other desires. Power is valued but sacrificed as newer and shinier asses need to be kissed. Death may be used with this character as a cruel punch line to a wasted life.

D. Your main character has red hair, eats poultry, owns dominoes and believes in dirt. This down to earth character values experience over all else. Any opportunity for sex will be jumped upon, though the constant thought of sex on this character's brain will act as a poison to potential liaisons. Money and power are incidentals in the life of this pragmatist. This character may be strong in the face of a death which devastates a loved one.


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[SadLuckDame]

If I seriously wrote a novel, I'd have to sit down and do it in one sitting. Bang out 765 pages one night and Ta-Da, cause I'm not exactly able to stay with one train of thought long enough to hold a character out if I shut my eyes, unless I create a character based on myself and an idea of another or of my-selves.

Though it doesn't matter cause I've no address to send it to. I'm a terrible lazy girl with lack of applying myself, need to have something I'm surely after to get anywhere.

Didn't we talk of that once? What drives us? or sumpin'.
Little equations.
Who knows.
Gonna see if I can dig it up here at the truck stop.

[the mingo]

I couldn't write a novel either for the very same reasons, can't hold a train of thought (lazy too) and I'm always jumping trains to top it all off.

The brunette falls in love with the redhead. This devastates the brunette because for the redhead it's just another given and for the brunette it's everything. The redhead leaves for the coast and the brunette gets lost in Arizona where she starts out as a waitress & then ends up with her own restaurant. Ten years later the redhead shows back up and walks into the restaurant and orders the sirloin plate (rare) and bourbon (neat). And decides to stay for awhile. The brunette, still carrying a blazing torch but much wiser now settles in for the ride and decides to write a novel about it all and wonders how she will ever fill in all the space between the stars.

[stilltrucking]

I can't even read a novel anymore let alone write one but I like that ezine called the http://www.12gauge.com They have some interesting stuff there.

<center>
Sarah Tonnen

Molecular Pharmacology and Dream Interpretation

By appointment only.

339-6666</center>

Letting go of my jacket she runs her bony hand across my shoulder, “You can find happiness in the thoughts between the spaces.”

“Ok, I’ll try my best.” I say, and walk out of the bathroom, confused yet somewhat vindicated, pocketing the card to take a look at later. Sarah Tonnen sits down at a booth across the room from me and my ex-lover. This is what she sees from across the room.

A Hideout mixed with The Queen on Hearts

[SadLuckDame]

And the Ace of Spades is dialing your number--
"Hello, Rosewood gardens? Yes, whom am I speaking to?
I've got a deal for you, just wink twice and say hit me
and you'll win the colorful suit. Let me see your hand
the Queen might just be one of yours if you're a gamblin' man.
Oh! wait up, in walked some trouble and she ain't willing to lose."
But, he goes--"I may have found a partner who draws a full flush.
Just have it pressed and I'll go out in it after dinner."

sleep well u

I found this on the net to read...

JBC

[stilltrucking]

My eyes are pretty shot. Hard to read anything these days. I am going to see the eye doctor soon I hope.

going to read it asap.
thanks
I wish I had more to say but that is about it for now.
Thanks for being my pal.

[SadLuckDame]

Here you are. I'd missed the full moon of Libra last night Trucker, 'cause I went to sleep at 10 p.m. Yesterday a drag or dragged.
Today is new, we'll see what it amounts to.

Wishing you well wishes towards health
and I'm glad you're here.

[stilltrucking]

My good monitor burned out, so I been using a back up one that flickers a lot, and everything turns pink once in a while. I been working a lot trying to refresh my money supply after giving it all away again. But who can put a price on a baby sister. I work online at home. My sister been working more too.

Man I have had a real set back, I was flying so high in January and Feb. Lost a bunch of weight and felt good, my blood sugars normal. Then I went out to dinner with my baby sister, pigged out at a Chinese Buffet place and kablooey everything went back to a drag again. Too much MSG maybe. Trying to get started again. I started a garden this year. So happy to see another spring. Meanwhile thanks again for taking an interest.

Nothing indefferent about the way I feel about you
You keep me interested in women. Women are so interesting to me.
You have an interesting mind. I can't figure you, I like that.

Meanwhile I been comtemplating on "safe reliable nuclear weapons" something I read in the paper the other day. Apparently it is a concern of the military industrial complex that we never run short of safe reliable nuclear weapons. So we can feel safe at night.
I don't know nothing.
I hope somebody does know something
so we can all feel safe
meanwhile
I been buying Shell gasoline because I am proud of the way things are going in Nigeria.

Bad attitude
comes from being childless I think
Teach your children their father's hell did ...slowly ... go bye...
love that song.

[SadLuckDame]

I read a post else-where by a girl who took some pictures of herself in her underwear and wasn't afraid to because she used pink lighting, and felt with the pink light she looked sexier. So there ya go Jack, you're all set up with that monitor to have stuffs come out looking sexier than it may in other lighting. I was unaware of the pink light deal up until reading.

[mtmynd]

Yes, good to see your still with us, JT.

Bad eyes, blinking monitors and MSG are a discomfort if not a bloody catastrophe. I've got an appointment with an eye doctor to get my cataracts removed, the right eye being a complete haze. All else is okay.. Obama is still alive. That's a plus in this paranoid environment we're going thru.

Keep on truckin', truck... on the keyboard.

Later, amigo...

[stilltrucking]

Everything with me is self inflicted.
Nothing but a kvetsh

I would probably complain if you hung me with a new rope.

[SadLuckDame]

I apologize if ever I don't seem sincere enough, but I've always such doubts and my mind goes in lots of scenarios and what ifs, plus I never read you as if you're telling any truth, but more likes hiding it within a tale. I'm a fan of whatever it is though, on the edge of my seat.

[mtmynd]

Everything with me is self inflicted.

not you, my friend, but a continuation of inflictions upon yourself by authority long ago.

[constantine]

but why hold a train of thought - the thoughts train themselves. some of henry miller's work is ramble - but he rambles well - he has it in him - just like you guys.

jack, i hope you are feeling better.

[stilltrucking]

The Geography of Thought (after Gertrude's stein)

domestic violence is up 87 percent
in SanAnato
they say it is the economy stupid
The Tea party has too much time on their hands
Mussolini made the trains run on time

Two chickens in every garage
a full lunch pail
life is good again
Weimar Republic and decadent art

Kerouac was too good a Catholic
when women started yawning at him
he wanted out
so he drank himself to death
what is my execuse

I am the Empire at the end of the decadence.
Paul Verlaine