There wasn't any particular reason ...

[Doreen Peri]

Hahahaha! First take... I recorded it
Here ya go... I need to do this again! LOL... Next take might be better?
You can listen to it here..

CLICK THIS >> There wasn't any particular reason ...

No, there wasn't any particular specific
reason or anything. I just decided I didn't quite
like it much, the nights were such a drag and
the days were crazed in a way. Seemed like the
atmosphere wasn't clear. Their eyes were all fogged up
and I don't know but it was like their minds appeared cluttered
and every time I muttered some non-sensical line,
it was like they took

the blind cord and wrapped it around the
darn thing, twisted it up from its original
meaningless state into something dismal
that I wish I hadn't spoken. The place became
dreary and smoke screens took hold and it was like
there was this cold vacant air, stares from strangers thick
as Gobi dust peered into me until I became faded,
disappeared.

And just as I deliberately turned to walk away
the way a player folds from a poker hand,
they damn near got me to play another
with a slick trick shuffle. I almost fell for it, too,
but no sooner did I sit back down to pick up my cards,
a hard wind blew through and I just knew it was time
to blow that joint.

So no, it wasn't like anybody said anything even
vaguely impolite – Jeb's manners were all right,
Daniel's smiled like he always smiles, his big
bright pearlies a gem, his whiskey breath not
especially offensive or anything and Ellen,
as usual, wore a pleasant attitude to top off
her neatly pressed casual blue cotton dress, which
by the way, matched her eyes. But Cheryl didn't seem
the least surprised when I made my weak excuses
and left.

So, yeah, sometimes it's not the jokes in poor taste or the
lack of graciousness of the host or the remote location
or even the lousy food, it's just that you feel sorta diminished
or on the verge of being dead and the smell of it from
inside your nose is frigging nauseating and no matter
how much you try, you really don't know why but you
realize you gotta go, so no, there wasn't any particular
specific reason or anything, as I said.


dp.2.6.09

[stilltrucking]

it was a good read

but as the spoken word
it comes alive
jumps off the page into your ears.
Great performance Doreen
I truly mean that.

[Doreen Peri]

thanks, Jack... very much...

I'm never pleased with these recordings... I might re-record it... I donno.

But I really appreciate your kind words.

[stilltrucking]

ah man it is perfect
if you re-record it please leave this version too
please.

[silent woman]

But there were a couple of long pauses

But your tone was so perfect.

[Doreen Peri]

Thanks, Jack. It wasn't the pauses that bothered me... those were really intentional ... at a stanza break or change in the story... but other things bothered me about it.

I've posted it on another site where one of the members is telling me it needs editing .... Maybe he's right?

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin

........

Anyway, do you think this is a good revision? It's been cut quite a bit. This second version is much more concise. I can't decide which one I like the best. I might try reading this one, too, to see how it sounds.

........

I decided I didn't like it, the nights were a drag,
the days were crazed. The atmosphere wasn't clear.
Their eyes were fogged, their minds appeared cluttered.

Every time I muttered some non-sensical line,
they took the blind cord and wrapped it around
the darn thing, twisted it into something dismal
and I wished I hadn't spoken. The place became
dreary, smoke screens took hold and
there was this cold vacant air, stares from
strangers thick as Gobi dust peered into me
until I faded, disappeared.

I walked away, a player folding a poker hand,
but they damn near got me back with a slick trick shuffle.
I almost fell for it but when I sat to pick up my cards,
a hard wind blew through and I knew it was time
to blow that joint.

So no, it wasn't like anybody said anything even
vaguely impolite –

Jeb's manners were all right,
Daniel smiled as always,
his pearlies a gem, his whiskey breath
not especially offensive and
Ellen wore a pleasant attitude to top off
her neatly pressed blue cotton dress which
matched her casual blue eyes... a perfect fit.

Cheryl didn't seem the least surprised
when I made my excuses and split.

[stilltrucking]

I really liked the first one better doreen.
I think it was perfect. But you know I don't know diddly squat about poetry. I just liked the longer piece. Your voice is very good. I got a tape of Sylvia Plath reading her poesm she sounds so leaden so monotone, I don't know what she was trying for to soud veddy veddy British and highfalutin?

I will have to listen to the tape again and listen to yours again.
I just like your tone in it.

Not sure if ennui is the right word for it, but you captured it the feeling.

Good luck, keep fiddling with it till you find what you are looking for. But as far as I am concerned you nailed it with the first one. I will think somemore about it and see if I can find a better word for it than ennui

[the mingo]

Jack don' need any backup on this I'm just sayin' he's right.

[SadLuckDame]

Doreen, you have an amazing voice for poetry and singing. I really enjoyed your spoken word piece.
(I made an attempt with webcam to do a poem, but my voice is like a whisper and won't project to the speakers very well. I'd even tried placing the cam close to me just for voice, still only whispers.) You're very lucky in voice, it's beautiful and strong. So much enjoyed it. You could perform on stages with it and poet jams in coffee shops.

[Doreen Peri]

Thanks Jack & mingo... I still want to record the second version ... I'd like to hear what people think about which one works best after they hear it.

Dame, my friend.... thank you for your kind words. I just used a handheld digital audio recorder. You can get one at radio shack for $30 probably. Even if you have a whispery voice, if you put your mouth close enough to the mic, it should turn out fine! And yeah, that's what I do... well, I haven't for a while... but I used to do it pretty often... read at various places. We had a show back in 2006... a Studio Eight stage show... called "Cabaradio" .. (a cross between Cabaret and Radio) with spoken word poetry, stand-up comedy, live music, dance and skits. It was loads of fun! I'd LOVE to do that again! One of my favorite things is making a fool of myself on stage. LOL!

[Doreen Peri]

Dame... By the way.... I envy the whisper... My voice often sounds much more harsh than I want it to and more abrupt and hard than when I hear it in my head as I'm speaking. We don't hear ourselves when we're speaking as we really sound. Recording is a wonderful device because you can listen to how others hear you. MANY times, I've re-recorded pieces to make my voice sound lighter and less harsh. I really love a nice whisper.

[SadLuckDame]

I love the harsh, a few times yours reminded me so much of Janis Joplin's voice, which I think is one of my favorite voices to hear.
I need to get 3 triple a batteries for my hand-held recorder, but still I'm not sure I'd know how to get it from device to puter.
It's true to hear my own voice is strange, I've a sort of lisp I was unaware or at least haven't thought of since I was young.

[Doreen Peri]

They come with a USB cord. You just plug it in from the device to your computer while the device is off. Then turn the device on and voila! There's an icon on your desktop which has the file you've recorded into. Then just copy the file to your computer, name it what you want, and send it to me by email. I'll upload it so the Studio Eight server will host it and you will have a link to post.

The one I have doesn't use batteries. It recharges by plugging it into my computer.

I'm sure there are different brands that work different ways.

Anyway, pm me and I'll send you my email address. Looking forward to hearing you! A lisp is sexy.. so don't worry about that! LOL

(oh and I love to wail with Janis when I've had a couple of martinis.. lol... she's my favorite! She's probably roll over in her grave if she heard me singing with her!)