cabiria

[constantine]

but what is it that you want?
you have walked the streets of the city at night
opened your door to strangers
who pay as they go, occasionally
one reminds you of a childhood friend
when your hair was long and dark
when you went to church
when you still had faith
as a child has faith
and you want it back
you want to see your father's eyes
you want to believe and be believed
you want a string of pearls
each perfect in its imperfection
like a dimple next to a smile
you want to believe and be believed
the grace of god, redemption
these things exist you tell yourself
repeatedly you tell yourself
over and over you tell yourself
antithetical to your experience
contrary to the evidence of your days
he breaks your heart with nonchalance
steals your purse as the sun rises
in the cold water's chill you are baptized
they've picked your bones and picked them clean
over and over the lies fall like acid rain
this is the epic saga
this is the iliad of your life
no ajax to shield you from the onslaught
no war cry of diomedes
no odysseus returning
this is the iliad of your life
penelope has run away with a suitor
your house has been plundered
the dog has died on a hill of dung
you travel through mist into a theatre of shadows
where halos dissolve into moonlight fizzing
champagne deception and bromo remorse
you dance the mambo around the golden calf
you cling like plastic and call it love
you open the window and gasp for air
strains of music fill your lungs
the children smile and wink in passing
it is not over yet