Cancer lady, firstly

[SadLuckDame]

Oh! Do you have a true love, Jack?
You lucky you. True love is hard to find,
people search for it till they are on their death beds.

[the mingo]

High heels ? O Yummie bees !

[jimboloco]

Mothers connect to their sons.
Fathers connect to their sons.
Daughters grow up to make connections.

i am pierced through my heart
a sleeper woke me up
plath is a muse but not amusing
sexton had the melancholy angel too
so did a lot of war veterans

when you live through everything
being real and not accepting anything less than truth
you get wise dumb
it takes awhile, then you start to see it everywhere

my birth daughter walked up to me a week ago
we were locked in an impossible locking of eyes
i gave her mine and also my heart and she knew
then she was gone and then she was there again
face to face we locked four blue eyes and a golden cross
then she was smiling up to the light from a short distance
in complete silence witnessed by her adoptive family
after a man had engaged me in a conversation
debating if carl crawford would go to new york
and he asked me some questions about my time there, studying art,
what i am doing now, in the affirmative as an r n,
then we got back into the baseball thing
and he slammed me with "you'll live in new york for 16 million a year!"
an i said, "yes, i'll get an apartment on park avenue across from the zoo"
and he looked at me and turned to his friend and said, "that guy's crazy"
i looked away to a wall of bamboo forest, and she came out searching my face
and now my life is even better my god i survived 40 years ago i was in vietnam
i have a 36 year old daughter, and it was just so much synchronicity
just so perfect,,,,,,,i remember now exactly, the only time it could have happenned in my whole entire adult life, and it happenned, my mother of grace, thankyou always debbie for bearing this angel my goodness, and now i am strong, from all my ramblings, dark travels, deep living, it is so good

and now i am possibly losing my marriage at the same time, strong,
she is broken hearted, my wife, so now with god, an angel of a god daughter, and my wife's suffering, i am now getting real straight. walking the straight path,,,,,with some limits i don't know, stopped all auto pay on the mortgage
if in a month she likes me, we will maybe move together, localy, but i am saving some bucks, because like my down and out days, i can be like a snake when needed. it means that i hold my wife i the light of love as god's angel, and grieve a little.

\

[SadLuckDame]

I'd never not never bees able to be so lonely
if I didn't have the catfish to take all that loneliness away from me.
It's like I carry it around and bury it at the pond,
some days I just lay down there and give up,
but then he pinches me. So mean.

We pick people up, Jimbo, take em along in our pockets,
find em in our sleep states, go tell em our secrets at the water
and become family this way.

He's mine and we're a family that fishes together, which scares the hell out of him. I guess I'd be scared if I were a fish.

[SadLuckDame]

I know, mingo, I'm so stubborn and this took a long time to develop,
a real attribute of a lady.
See me walk this way,
I spent the day in them.
I might not be recognizable to you.

[the mingo]

Hell, I ain't recognizable to me. Did ya have a good time at the shindig ?

[SadLuckDame]

No good times to be had yet,
but I get to go this week-end. I'll prolly kick the heels off to dance bare-foot, more than likely.

[the mingo]

I had a native fancy dancer say to me once that the earth loves to feel our feet upon it, especially when we are dancing.

[SadLuckDame]

I'm at my rock bottom, I don't know if I can dance.
If I can dance this week-end, I'll go all out dramatic bells and leave muddy foot prints everywhere I go.

[the mingo]

That's the spirit, Dame !
One thing sweet I've always found 'bout being at rock bottom is ya sure 'nough got some place solid to stand.
HugHugHug!!!

and don't overfeed the catfish with all those blues - he'll just get fat
you just step up and step out and do it pretty up and walkin' good !
'Nite, Dame

[SadLuckDame]

Thanks, my mingo friend.

It's going to be a challenge and I need to tap into my stores of creativity and walk more away from my defensive nature.

Imagination might be the great escape, not only from situations, but from myself. I'm a nightmare to deal with when my dark side is so more forward than my sweet side. I get so proud of the work I do, regardless of my weaknesses, which I'm in constant awareness of, and I'm a wild animal to any who challenge with critique on minuscule flaws. Guess I expect them to weigh my strengths in comparison and then be able to toss out my mistakes, since I rock n roll all else beautifully.

My flaw at the moment is my gut reaction going, "I dare them to, I triple dog dare em to or I'll rip their eye balls out."

Inside I'm going holy crap, so what if I didn't speed past the competitors in a mile run race, I still ran it, I still completed it effortlessly and I looked behind me, to the side of me and etc. to make sure everyone was on their feet and not broken on the track.

This is going to be a nutty day, I gotta escape myself from.

Big vent session from me, stressed to max, and apologies for letting my day job wound me up so much this way. I'm gonna feel so much the fool by after submit. I just need a little help from my friends, phew.

[stilltrucking]

Does this have anything to do with the wedding? Marriage?

Just wondering what is behind your vent.
Just
Thinking out loud.

I hope you have fun

[the mingo]

One day follows the next without any doin' on our part, Thank God. And don't be sorry, you're doin' fine. Hang in there, Dame.

[SadLuckDame]

Thanks much, Jack and mingo.
This was a work related stresser, nothing to do with the week-end wedding, which I'm looking forward to not needing to think everything, but maybees just have a few drinks for a good time.

I'm shocked I'd survived the day.
Went to sleep last night with my dark me, said a prayer, too, because it seemed hopeless I could rid myself of her mood for today. I must have healed while sleeping, cause I woke up thinking I could apologize, and by end of day I really wanted to do it sincerely and genuinely...I said my I sorries, for being such a brat and got a good return, a whole conversation about how I was liked. T

he negatives not being too big a deal after-all.
Amazing, I'm o.k. and we're surviving, thriving through to next day.
Healing sweet sleeps, healing sweet, healing
sweet, sweet, sweet.

[still.trucking]

She will lash out at you in a heart beat
like a snake of lightning
and the anger spreads through my blood like venom
and physiology takes over and the neurons fire
speech ciruits open
tongue engaged
I lash back
and as the chemicals metabolize
I am one step in front of myself looking back and forgetting

Man dance a dance for me
I hope you dance yourself many dances
So good to dance
Yes the planet needs more happy grateful feets.