my part in it

[creativesoul]

i wanted the brady bunch, all the kids and the crazy back from when my kids were small- that age when nothing they do ever seems wrong- just wild- and i loved it- i loved rollar blade hockey -and i loved g man- he was hot- i mean he never ever held back his loving from me-maybe he just loved me back-
i came from a puzzling background- some things are better left unsaid-

he was a felon- he had twins- i was pretty close to my BA- he mentioned there were complications- i just took one look in those brown eyes and i was already getting off the freeway on my way to disney world= all those cute jokes about 'you want to see the cops have my face in the pavement with a gun in my face dont you?'
it took about two years for me to start thinking- 'yeah, that would work for me'
i drive too fast see.
i dont do anything right- in his eyes- and each day he took a brick out of my wall- until i fell- it was textbook really- and i was a women s studies minor- reading the deluge of abuse againest women in the world- even with the domestic violience wheel in my face- i never got the 'tension building' as a tool and a weapon- until i met him- mr nice guy in public, and then when he got you alone- suddenly it is like being under seige- naturally - i gave him the instructions on how to destroy me = i gave him the guide book for adult ADHD - i might as well have given him a road map to destruction-
seriously- interrupt me every time i try to say something and see how long we stay frenz-
i wanted love so badly- i would have s'sold my soul' my friend susan said that about me- it made me cry
now i wake up sometimes =knowing that the man i loved= is not who he is today- even if i still love him- i wont go near him again- because-too much water has gone under the bridge-
now it no longer matters that it has taken me years and a fortune to heal from the damages- and if my love is the flaw in the diamond- then let me remove myself from the equation-
but it does- because i was done long before we fought- before i decided to go see the planet uranus= but really it too late- even if loved you-

[creativesoul]

interesting isnt it?

[WIREMAN]

this is why being a writer is an amazing thing......writing about your own life is the nexus of doing it.....great expression, we all can learn from this.....ive stayed, ive gone back, ive loved, ive hurt and been hurt, yet theres one thing, and its a big life lesson, and that is to move on. Theres a great big world out there full of new surprises. I tell my young friends that when their mate says or does something thats abusive, call em out right then, dont let it linger, it'll just get worse and worse and worse.....thanks for the openess u shared here....creativesoul

[creativesoul]

Write on- @ truth be told! - if I allow it! Then I am in it

[creativesoul]

Write on- @ truth be told! - if I allow it! Then I am in it