Second Honeymoon (adult language)

[goldenmyst]

Second Honeymoon

We live in the bowery of New Orleans. My husband Paul studies Geotechnical Engineering and I Rosie am a nursing student. But on this night, I wear my best wedding gown. It feels right to me to celebrate the happiest moment in my life on the eve of my death. Paul combs my hair not knowing that this will be our last encounter.
My husband serves the dish I so love, okra, tomatoes, and brown rice. I savor every bite like a gift from heaven. I wonder where I will be in an hour. What lies beyond that dark churning river, I cannot imagine. We have our final dinner together.
“Take me for a ride Paul. I want to see the river by Audubon Park” I tell him. We drive to the Mississippi River. “Paul wait here and let me go ahead. I just need a few moments by myself.”
“Are you ok Rosie? Usually I can see your aura through your clothes. Tonight I just see your dress.”
“I just need some space honey.”
I walk across the levee and down to the grassy area by the river. The lap of water on the shore soothes me. I gaze into the dark rolling waters of the river and think that I might quietly extinguish myself there. I will never have progeny. Paul deserves to be a father. I must release him to fulfill his dream. It hurts too much to see him with another woman. But I know it must be. It is a heart-wrenching decision for me. But now the time of reckoning has arrived. I will face the devil bravely. There is no turning back now.
Paul finds me in my solitude. He holds me tight and kisses me like on our first date. Finally, I disclose to Paul my dark intent.
“Paul, I never told you how I made my living before I met you. I was a peddler of my very own body. Will God forgive me for suicide? Will I go to hell for it? How can the Lord All Mighty condemn me for unburdening myself of my life of shame?”
Paul says,“I can’t comprehend a life without you.”
“You will make it my love. Be strong for me now. I need your support now more than ever. I can’t face this without your courage” I say.
“It isn’t your time yet my love. You are needed here” he says.
“Don’t do this to me. Don’t make me feel guilty dammit. Quit that shit. Now I’m going to say farewell. Be a good husband to someone. You never did know how to say goodbye” I say.
Paul says “Come home with me.”
“Shut the fuck up! I mean it. No more groveling” I say.
“I’m going to hold your hand. You are going to walk with me back to the car” he says.
I say “Stop it Paul! I’m a free woman. No man tells me what to do.”
He says “No. You’re going to do as you’re told.”
I say, “Oh, Paul. You know how much I get turned on when you take charge of me.” I take off my wedding ring. “Keep this for me. I can’t take it where I’m going.”
He says “I’ll never marry again.”
I say “Crap. I feel selfish having you wait for me for the rest of your life.”
“Rosie, if you ever lift a hand to hurt yourself I’ll physically restrain you. Then your sex privileges will be revoked for an entire year.”
“You wouldn’t dare! Oh, I bet you’ll make your own fun.”
“I’m well versed in abstinence having grown up with two sisters in a house with paper thin walls.”
I reply, “Please don’t put me on a diet of no sex. I’ll lose what’s left of my marbles.”
“Just be a good girl and obey. Then you’ll get your treat.”
“I’m not your pet.”
“You are my puppy my dear.”
“Don’t cast me adrift to float alone on the orchid boat which is a Chinese saying for me rubbing my sugar plum all by my lonesome” I say.
“You’ll face that music if you ever try to hurt yourself” he warns.
“If I were a man you’d have me by the balls.”
“Cheating on me is pardonable but self-harm is an absolute no-no. Now, get your fanny in the car and no more night trips to the river, ever.”
“Me, an adulteress? Why go out after hot dogs when I’ve got andouille sausage at home?”
“Honey, let me take you home. I couldn’t make it without your cooking” he says.
“Oh shit. I hope you love me for more than my cooking.”
“I was making a joke to lighten your mood.”
“Well, it worked. Escort me back to our apartment. That roach motel sounds like paradise now.”
“What you need is a good roll in the hay” he says.
“Take me for a tumble lover man.”
“I can’t cook but that I can do. Let’s go home” he says.
“My legs feel weak. Pick me up and carry me to the car” I say.
Paul carries me like a bride out of a darker shade of midnight. “Say lover man; let’s get in your car and cruise. Take me out for Chinese” I say.
“With you in your wedding dress they’ll think we’re newlyweds” he says.
I say “Honey, my caged bird is ready for a jailbreak. This will be our second honeymoon.”

[stilltrucking]

sorry I deleted a post
mis-posted
I did not read your post
I had another thread in mind. going to print your story and essay and read it tonight during the dead time at work, let post again when
I know what I am writing about

[goldenmyst]

No problem my friend. Thanks for dropping by.

John

[stilltrucking]

I appreciate your tolerance. Got to read it tonight, felt so good to get into a good read. It is bedlam where I work, and it was good to read something that took me out it for awhile.

You ever think you knew what a word meant and found you had it wrong?

Mordant, had to look it up cause it was going round my brain when I sat down here to write.

I must have a mordant sense of humor about suicide.

I think deep down in the cellar of my mind I think I am going to be a suicide. For a long time I could not fall asleep without the thought in mind to put a shot gun under my chin and rest my finger on the trigger. That was fifty years ago after the death of crazy mike. These days I only think about it when I consider these forlorn rags of old age.
Sometimes I wonder if there is good death and bad death. I think about Hunter S. and Spading Gray, and Poppa Hemingway, I think man I could lived with their demons and still carried on and have good days and bad days.
who am i to judge. The the one that makes me the saddest is John Kennedy Toole's suicide.

Martyrs to their art we got pray for them


Read a short story about suicide that scared the hell out of me, the scene is a man is standing on a chair with a noose around his neck, he kicks the chair away then a stream of thoughts and regrets in the moment after. Then he manages to get his fingers under the noose and free himself and is grateful to be alive, then in the next moment he is back hanging by his neck, it goes on like that until hears someone open the door and scream. Kind of stuck in loop. A friend usta tell me that no mistake is serious unless it is permanent.

One more note about crazy mike, he believed that heaven and hell is here and now. I work in hell, my own damn fault for being such a ne'er do well.

Thanks for a few minutes respite. I used to love to read, a real pleasure, lost in the author's world oblivious to the bedlam around me

thanks for writing john
please pardon ramble

[goldenmyst]

stilltrucking, your ramblings take me down a path which leads into hope. I love hearing your personal reaction to my piece and where it took you. Your trip down memory lane is filled with nuggets of wisdom and a testimony of how your found your way out of the noose. I appreciate each memory you shared. Mordant is a word which is new to me. However, even in darkness we can find humor. And that may be enough to see us through. Much thanks. You have made my night one to remember.

Thanks for the read stilltrucking,
John