Dear Diary

[silent woman]

Dear Diarist

Diaries are such chick things

Only real men eat shrimp for breakfast

But I got to do something as I count down to zero

So I sit and contemplate my gut feelings

As if I had the enteric brain of a woman

I explore the phenomenology of female spatiality

and the concept of dread

I hear the bitter laughter of my muse

and the years I tried to know why

to understand

but I did not have the balls to

to imagine what a fatal case of PMS felt like

I can walk a mile in my sister's shoes

and wear her pantyhose

but I can't think with her enteric brain

she got more guts in her belly than a big sad unwombman.

Oh well, I still consider myself a fortunate son to have been born a man. Now there is a pill to take for a woman to put off the monthly curse. Better living through chemistry. Even Freud knew there would be a pill for everything.

I been learning about jazz today

I thought I heard a saxaphone

But it was Tony Scott on clarinet.

Well so much for walking a mile in her shoes
I guess keeping a diary was the last straw

so long for now

[tinkerjack]

My Diary turning into a scrap book as I sit here in my airconditioned extrobiological womb and explore this feeling in my gut that may or not be dread. I might just be hungry becaues I an in the third hour of my morning fasting.

enteric rant

~ Can we trust women as ethical decision-makers?

Man that is a long trip back to make

I been struggling with meglamania lately as if I was Jack Kerouac and it was all about me.

I remember I posted factoid about Japanese art of shinyo,

Culture. In the Japanese art of shinyo, one supposedly may cultivate the nonverbal skills of an awareness center called the hara, a region of the abdomen, diaphram, and stomach, which may be trained to process "gut feelings" about another person's unvoiced motivations and moods.


I need a vacation

what effect
a womb
on an enteric brain


Gertrude Stein was not fond of question marks I have read.
Neither am I.
What can I say as I try to channell the spirit of Eva Shapiro

Woke up this moring from a Strange erotic dream about avocados . I don't think I could survive without avocados, an acquired taste from a california girl, bless her heart.

I wish they could all be Jewish girls and Quaker babes.

Those rosy cheecked demons and starry eyed maidens
those beautiful hags with the age in their eyes
I don't want to be one
no thanks
but oh lordy they ground me to the root of existence.

"thank you jesus."

Only silent woman saw the humor in that. But it is probably not a line that would go over with most women when you are carried away in expuisite pleasure.

Dear diary also I wonder where bennie2 is?
Men think about sex every 6 seconds

I think about a women probably every 6 seconds. But is that the same as sex?

Some day I would like to stop and count just how many thoughts of any kind I have in six seconds.

No form's gone so awry
Crook-back or bandy-leg
But TInker Jack can forge
Beauty from hag

Slyvia Plath Hughes from a webpage called the willing domesticity of Sylvia Plath.

Don't let me pander to you my dear diary.
I am one of those nude age guys, I like to hang around those chick lit sites and pose as a male feminist.




sincerely
still trucking et al.

[stilltrucking]

Dear stinking diary
I don't need no stinking diary
because it is all a jam to me

just another chance for me to spin the wheel slap a carriage return
hit return
punch submit
there it goes another cybe leaf in the wind
a feather on the breath of the internet god

I ate a wonderful breakfast,
aboot two hours ago
and I am still hungry

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such a rock and roll feeling
unrooted and in the wind

[stilltrucking]

Dear Diary
No eye dear
how one is supposed to keep a diary
more like a scrap book sometimes
a memory book

up rooted these many years
a human tumble weed
I cling to her memory to keep me grounded

Silent Woman and Hester Prynne a juxtaposition

[WIREMAN]

it is all jam-sturbation
be it action or ~GO!
never kept a diary
but a journal yeah
avett bros. on the sounds
kids runnin' round nola cafe
i needs another cuppa joe

[Arcadia]

joe´s busy at the moment, wireman
lovely morning!
cup of what?

[WIREMAN]

finally got my java fix arcadia....kinda busy here @ the cafe...

[Doreen Peri]

Dear Diary,
I have a confession to make.
I also have a Journal.
Please don't be jealous.
I am as devoted to you as ever.
My Journal includes drawings and
paintings and poems but I don't
write to my Journal like I write
to you. I am devoted to you
since you are really me, my very
best friend. My Journal is for
observations. But YOU, Dear Diary,
are for sharing my confessions
and innermost soul. My Journal
is also a huge part of me but YOU,
Dear Diary are the heart of me.
All be told, it would be nice
if you and I and my Journal could
meet and have some sweet cannoli
at the Italian cafe. We can share
some cafe au lait and swap stories.
Would you like to do that today?
I'll write in both of you with my pen.
You'd like my Journal. I'd like to introduce
you to each other.

If not today, then when?

[hester_prynne]

Dear Diary
I so love saturdays, sleeping in and then drinking coffee in bed and reading. Today I read some Eckhart Tolle. Took a break from Mansfield Park.
Life is not lonely or crowded or anything. It just is and the sunlight is shining charmingly through the windowblinds. Slats of Parrish yellow on the back of the rocking chair......
I got that kid feeling. You know, like when you were a kid and you were going to the beach for a picnic. As long as I don't think anything, that feeling comes over me, along with the feeling that someone I love very much is holding my hand.
Why....S'wonderful!
I'll be back.
Love
Hester/Theda

[Doreen Peri]

Dear Diary,
I'm hoping I didn't make a very stupid mistake.
How long does a person have to wait to find out
if what they did was idiotic or not? A little time?
Or a lot? Should we know instinctively that we've
made a big error? Who let's us know and is the
judgement sane? is it fairer?

Dear Diary,
I'm am in a pickle! In a jam! Damn, I don't know
whether or not I'm screwed up another life exam.
Did I pass or do I get another shot?
Everything's a test, I guess.
Is it not?

Dear Diary,
I'm only writing to you because
you're the only one who'll understand.
I hope I did OK and all turns out exactly
as I planned, but if I messed up, would
you send someone to help me, man?

[stilltrucking]

Dear Diary
Todays the day the teddy bears have their tea
Thinking about Teddy's story on Litkicks.

this is the long bright afternoon of my soul

I suppose I should look up the definition of -diary & journal.
It is all the same to me
a jam book

Today I am thinking about tact, and women again.
Drug crazed rants about assholes and prostrate glands.




I try to remember what life was like when women owned me. Yes I was a mama's boy too, just like Saint Jack. Maybe that is not true. For all the times I broke my mother's heart and the time I tried to strangle her, she only broke my heart twice. Kerouac was kind to his mother.



I am reaching entropy maxi mus
A kid living within a body that is shriking, I am almost two inches shorter than I used to be.
I belatedly try to squeeze a few more years out of my body]s life time.





I love Sunday afternoons
listening to you on the radio

The light is blinding today

first thoughts diary

plus a few additional added lines
In the window with the bamboo shade I can see the afternoon sunlight through the lens of a large magnification lamp, it is very mellow gold but it is murder outside for geezers like me'

I been watching God TV today, preacher tells me Jesus Is On The Mainline and I know that is true. I hardly ever go to Quaker meetings anymore.


I believe in Einstein's god, I almost prayed to jesus for relief of pain today, but I decided to take a Darvon instead. It seemed easier for Him. YEs I believe in the god of Einstein, the god who helps those who help themselves. I have prayed to Jesus down on my knees for a nights sleep. That was a long night for me, a long night of the soul. I don't like to hassle him with a lot of prayer requests. There are so many preachers talking to him about more important stuff than my pain. Maybe I am trying to save my prayers about pain for something more intense. I am on a slippery slope, walking like a fox on thin ice,



I have paved a million miles to hell

with good intentions.

thank you so much my diary
dearest
I am never ashamed of anything I say to you. Because it is just between you and me.

Real men don't delete anymore
I always wind up with egg on my beard when I do

[stilltrucking]

Dear Diary
I been doing a lot of thinking with my enteric brain these days, I may not have a uterus to think with, but I got a big prostrate. I suppose that is why I am always expressing my opinions
So do men think better with their assholes than women


There I was with the blood soaking through my jockey shorts and there was nothing I could do about it until the morning, my thoughts racing and the enormity of my mistake

The remorse and fear at what I had done to myself. Was there ever a man more pussy whipped than me.

In the wake of silent woman's abortion.

Yeah only women bleed

I am worried about my Chindi
it is going to be bad
silent woman's mother did she really go to her death cursing my name?

I got to lighten up here, if anybody reads this stuff they might think I am crazy. One of the blessings of longevity I suppose. You just don't worry about it anymore. Yes these forlorn rags can make even the vainest schmuck humble.

Maybe so
but I have become a nice guy in my golden years.

Okay that is all
done with this for today
I hope
good bye

[diesel dyke]

Dear Death by embarrassment Diary

I am in strange mood even for him.
I been thinking about drawing a skull and crossbones on the cover of my diary.

Been A long time since I held the hand of someone who loved me.

But I shoke hands with my brother in law about an hour ago.

My diet in shambles, well it never was a diet as such, just a four hour morning fast.

I got to buy a box of bullets to bite on.

good night sweet princess
where ever you are.

[hester_prynne]

Dear Diary.
I write to you today with a heavy heart. I am dazed with self negativity around my job, which frankly, I am doing terribly at. The caseload is growing, cases are sitting for weeks unattended due to the volumes and the process each case requires and deserves. I am truly overwhelmed and full of self doubt at my inability to master this job. I've always been able to successfully learn and do well at jobs I've had but not this one and I find within myself a berating voice, telling me I am inept, that I am stupid and incompetent. Supervisors are always writing me notes saying, "work on this case!!!!" " Your caseload is moving too slow." And I wonder, how do I go faster with these? How do other people do it????Why can't I.
Then another voice chimes in saying it's the job not you! But I don't believe that voice, because the other one pipes right up and says, "c'mon, you know you're a failure at this and you thought you were so smart".
I don't want to not have a job, or enough money to live on. I'm tired of being stoic and terrified at the same time. I'm tired of not feeling like singing or writing, tired of forgetting what it's like to be happy and content with what I am doing. It's all like a joke, a bad joke, and I feel small and over my head and TIRED of it, the gruesomeness, the people trying to throw in the towel and live off the dole because of a backache or a headache, the process to make sure that every stone regarding their allegations is overturned and proven exaggerated, despite enabling doctors and drug companies who get these folks hooked on drugs and hooked on the idea that they can apply for ssd, instead of encouraging them to get out of their non life threatening problems and do something. It does not help people, putting them through this process, this long arduous process, only to tell them they are denied, only to hear them say, oh yes well you're always denied at first, after you are denied you just get a lawyer. Indeed, I am already seeing claims I worked on before, coming back saying, no, I won't take no for an answer. I am disabled damn it and I want the Government to take care of me and now I got a lawyer!
It's just a strange part of life to me, a strange game, a waste of money, a wheel to nowhere and no end to the mean spinning of it, and so much stress on me that sometimes, I think I am going to actually pass out from it.
Today is one of those days, (one of many) where I am struggling with it to what feels like the depth of my core, where I am inconsolable and wishing for anything but this and seeing nothing.
Tommorrow, thankfully, is another day. I thank you dear diary for being here today, and letting me get this awfulness out of me, and off my chest.
Yours, always,
Hester

[myrna minkoff]

Dear Diary

I feel like I can sleep now it has been a good day. I hardly thought about Spalding Gray at all.

Yeah tomorrow is another day, thankfully
All I got to do is make it through tonight.





I needs a small vacation from gravity

good night Irene good night