The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

On-going spontaneous Word Jams.
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jimboloco
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by jimboloco » October 26th, 2010, 9:37 am

My mom is not here with me in the flesh....as we are toxic to each other.
But she knows I love her now and I know she loves me within her capability.....
she lives in NC, near my sister Della, with whom I have a deeper soul relationship.

I do speak with some of my deceased relatives, something I started this year.....wow, because my relationship with them has kept on growing....I call my stepfather "Pops!" and I call my biologic father "Daddy-o!" Pops was 72 when he succumbed to a brain tumor. I had always been estranged from him, becaiuse he was mean spirited, emotionally distant, looked down on me as another "mouth to feed." NOw I know him a lot better. He looks down on me with a warm interest. I know this, because he was always growing. When I visited him on his hospice bed at home, he struggled for the right words, but when he saw me, he lifted up his head and smiled a big smile (I always remember big smiles that were given to me), and said, stammering and searching for words, "Oh you're the one who had such a hard time and now you're doing well...." That was the last thing he ever said to me and also that was only the second compliment and greeting I had ever gotten from him. Two years before, I had visited them in Texas after I had completed RN training and he told me, "You will make a good nurse!" and we had a firm handshake and eye contact.

When I came back from the VVAW prortests at Miami Beach, 1972, he saw the red white and blue peace sign I had on my VW bus and said, "footprint of an AMERICAN CHICKEN!" They all turned on me, grandparents, parents. Bad words came my way. Now I look back and it's all fluff. We did our job and we are continuing. I am an current member of VVAW, pay attention, keep contacts, do some little bit of teaching from time to time, whether spontaneously ijn conversation, or thru an occasional article for the VVAW magazine, also on line at http://www.vvaw.org

Hey POPS! He agrees with me. We can talk rationally now.

Daddy-o was a young man, 6 days before his 23rd birthday, he bought the farm in a rice field in south Louisiana. Now he sits there, has some shades, he and Pops get together for me whenever I want. I can see Pops, his facial expressions, smiling now and encouraging. This is good.

Plonky Donky to the rescue.....I found my dead father's old friend from WW2, who is also my older sister's godfather, in 1972. Her had sent sister silver spoons on her birthday until she was five. My mother had remarried Pops, had my rebel sister Marg (also in heaven age 33, 1983, brain tumor) and we lost contact. I was guided to him, somehow, when I chose a SAC assignment to fly tankers from a base in NH, where I had never lived.....this assignment selection was processed and affirmed early in my year in Vietnam, so that when the tour was over, I had grown weary and angry about everything, draconian ecocide and so on. There was no sense to it at all. I got home in Sept, 71. I met him the following January, after I had refused duty and had sought out a Quaker woman via the peace network. She was a local and counselled draft resisters and in-service C.O.'s....her hubbie, Robin, gave sanctuary and counsel to AWOL soldiers, and if they decided to return to the military, Robin went with them to assure they were treated fairly.
I told all my ultra-conservative relatives I had met the man who was close to my Daddy-o......they were like pillars of salt, stoney without being stoned.

Now let me freak you. texas trucking likes the sad pic of me as a young man. This was taken by Marg, a pair of pics, happy-sad of me in B&W.....on Thanksgiving, 1973, just weeks after I had unknowingly impregnated Deb, who was my friend, but she didn't want a relationship.....I was sad and broken when I met her, but also happy. That summer I wanted to love her, but she let me know I was too problematic, so I stuffed it and became her friend, six months of friendship, then we got a little drunk at her place and Ireached for her and she reached me back.
The next morning, it was like non-attachment, time to go. I was lost, felt unwanted, upset. I didn't see her for a week. Then a bimbo seduced me for fun, in my room. She got up laughing and left for a room full of girls bullshitting and they all laughed at me! (A dorm on a mountaintop, coed, with ratio 10 to 1 ladies.) That bimbo was the only other chick I popped, but many of them had hit on me, one lady would come into my room and shave her legs. Eventually she got popped by the maintenance man instead. I moved out of the dorm. How do you sit down at a table with 4 women, all of whom you've been in the sack with, two of whom you have popped? It is not funny. I could not have a relationship because I had nothing in common with them, except my friend.....When I saw her next, I wanted to hug her, but she said, "You don't care who you do it with!" Then I had lost my friend as well.

My celestial sister Marg, with ten earthly years left, took two pics of me, and my friend did come and viisit me once in my grotto apt, after that and she asked me for the happy-sad pics copies and I gave them to her. She said nothing....I waited for her at her work on a sunny December day with snow cover. She gave me a big smile of confidence, and I told her I'd come back sometime and we'd "shoot the shit!" She said yes, then a goodbye hug, no tears.....until 37 years later to the season, when our angel daughter crossed paths with me on 10/10/2010

She gave me her email address when I called her up, but I noted some anger, when she said "F" as in FRANK!" I sobbed a little, but diid not tell her why, just asked her if she had read the certified letter....."Oh, I ll have to check my mail".....she got scared, called the Vermont troopers. Now I am getting some results, because the trooper told her what was in the letter and is now my verbal go-between. But I sent her an email letting her know how I want her to heal. She was hurt badly by that knockup, I know now, and she gave her up for adoption.

Now she has the info on how to find her daughter. We were awestruck and speechless, me and my daughter and she has to know that I am finding her mother. I am sure the man I sopke to first, before our wordless locking, is telling her that her mother knows now and she is going to find her.

So do the Vermont Troopers, Brattleboro. and she has those pictures taken by Marg. Everything I went through, all those years of hellish shit, the long painful return, my marriiage to a normal woman, who I care about, as she led me to my daughter, who recognised me and I recognized her.

Higher wisdom mind? These 2 miracles, Robin (still my good friend and confidant at times at 87, my sister's godfather who was close to our deceased father)
and having an angel daughter with Deb, the one who I always remembered as my friend, led to her 37 years later in the very same season, exact. She has my celestial sister's photographs of me from Thanksgiving, 1973, a month after Deb got pregnant by me and said nothing, because of my sadness and grief.

Here we are. Marg and Pops are watching with interest. Hey Daddy-O, you have another granddaughter! She is 36 and has a strong spirt from a magnificent New York Italian family. Thankyou Lord. Amen

"Roll on, Columbia!" 8) 2010 unbelieveable roll on!
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

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jimboloco
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by jimboloco » October 28th, 2010, 12:14 pm

close the file on Brattleboro
i'm goin to new york city
with a poem in the
new yorker, in hopes
my daughter will see me
and know i know she is there
and more, her large nyc family

Image
  • “I Know You’re There”

    “F” is for frank,
    with pain and
    hardness of fact!

    Will you take me
    to a country fair?
    I know you’re there.

    Let my intentions be known:
    when the last frost’s
    hardness is melting,

    “F” is for fair point,
    with pain and joy,
    hardness and softness of fact!

    Will you take me
    to a country fair?
    I know you’re there.


    James Willingham, RN
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

Steve Plonk
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by Steve Plonk » November 13th, 2010, 5:51 pm

WINDOWS OF YOUR MIND

By Steve Plonk

Wipe away the frost
From the windows of your mind...
Light your light inside--
Will they see or are they blind?
Wipe away the frost
From the windows of your mind...
You will find,
Some will see,
Some may misunderstand,
Light they drink,
Flowing like wine
From the windows of your mind.

--June 1970, Revised Nov. 2010.

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jimboloco
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by jimboloco » November 22nd, 2010, 11:35 am

very nice, thankyou
it is amazing how our instinctive minds were questioning and coping with the building up of spirit way back when

My wife don't see me
she won't need me
just when she will
need me tho she
don't see me


I am leaving now
as soon as possible

I am helping a young man on the street
getting him resources, a little cash
telling him what to do next

He is without family
alone came down here from Atlanta
robbed and broke, no papers,
busted lip. limping

he is walking to ASAP will get a mailing address there
a shower and change of clothes, maybe some shoes

I know where he can get his ID back, birth certifcate
meanwhile he has a piece of paper with my name and cell# on it.... and I am his resource

he is clear as a spring stream
i hugged him and pressed my hand onto his heart
he limped away, after looking at my drawings as
i was walking to the art group,
downtown again, gave him 30 bucks sat afternoon
he called me this AM alert, sober and calm.....
heading down to ASAP where he will cal me again

meanwhile, I am waiting for a call from work
until noon, if not, I am gonna pick this kid up and get him a backpack and some gear
and send for his fucking ID myself

fuck it
2010
I have a daughter! She looks like a grown up Alice in Wonderland and she is strong!
I have a God~son. He looks like Huck Finn in distress. Been there, done that. Time for payback and gratitude, my karma. I met a lady yesterday who was working across the street from the World Trade Center. on 9/11.....she has PTSD and is now a Quaker in St Pete.....a lovely Buddhist Quaker lady, a new friend....

2010 Roll on Columbia!
Roll another one.
The man with his snake totem walked without fear
at the edge of the precipice
looking out for ant trails
and tigers.
Picture 797.jpg
Picture 797.jpg (44.65 KiB) Viewed 3479 times
scribbles during my first years of marraige to Susan
I had tried taking her to a Unity Church
and was so inspired to scribble this circa 2002

not so easy
when all is said and done
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

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jimboloco
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by jimboloco » November 26th, 2010, 1:58 am

i gotta keep this thread
this year
this hell
this pit
this unfolding of loss
empty
no more street savings
i am the street savior
going down

gonna lose my job
lose my wife
gain and lose my daughter

lose my energy
get simple
rest
broke again
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

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stilltrucking
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by stilltrucking » November 26th, 2010, 9:17 am

I may be bent but I am not broke yet
got 260 bucks in the bank
living in dread of unexpected expenses
it has taken me two months to save that much

Been a hell of a heck of a good year for me too
don't you know

singing keep on the sunnyside

yeah baby sister's medical melodrama returned
but this time I did not have to sleep on the floor
almost lost the kid
watching him intent on self destruction
he almost succeeded
only good thing to come out of Iraq and Afghanistan
San Antonio blessed with Brooks Army Medical Center
Young looking surgeons put his face back together
He lost another another daugher looks like
He looks like that guy in the horror movie with all those pins in his head
he maintains like a Zen dude
I don't even understand how he gets to sleep with all those bolts sticking out of his head.

Yes it has been a very good year
I am looking forward to a day at the beach

Oh those Quaker babes
I love their long steady calm gazes

That is what drew me to the Religous Society of Friends
The beauty of their souls
Kind of what drew me to litkicks
and now studio eight
but I stopped looking for love on line
I would settle if I could make a few pals.

that's about it jimboloco
Have you ever thought about casual work?
Must be a good field for that
You know kind of free lance
temporary
my brother the home boy retired flight surgeon psychiatrist made good money at The VA. I think.

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jimboloco
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by jimboloco » December 15th, 2010, 10:54 am

Hey, where is still trucking when we need him?
Still trucking!

I lost my job. I wear my ring on my right hand.
I don't try to control my wife anymore,
by ardently persuading her. She knows the price
and the game. I went to the Quaker meeting Sunday
straight for the first time since I started back there last summer.

I was sleeping in my back room.
I hadn't changed my clothes in four days when my wife returned
from vacation with her grandson. I smelled. I had been camping outside
in the cold utility room, with a space heater, a carpet, my radio, blankets,
an ounce of pot, and some beers. I got myself into a good stupor
and got angrier than ever, almost raging. I was very lucky that I did not have a gun.
My appetite was insatiable. I remembered my taste for speed, what I really liked.

Well, on my own, I stayed straight five days, slipped and smoked into a stupor,
buried my treasure in a downtown park, and started narcotics anonymous.

I let go. I have resources. I started Narcotics Anonymous. I am making new friends.
I love the meeting. I am cashing in my 401K, getting my VA loan reduced to
4.75% fixed rate over 30 years. Taking several months off from nursing.
I am going back to the Veterans Admin hospital, yes, for ongoing
psychiatric care, and will apply for a disability pension. I paid for it in
years spend in anguish and poverty. I still feel a raging anger.

Yes I think casual work is good for me. Actually, I have my sights
set on a Jewish run facility just up the street from my house,
Menorah Manor. I can ask Judih for a reference, and my Texas JewBoy Friend.
That's you, Still, and Kinky too. I will write him and tell him how much
I love his books and cats too. Elvis, Jesus, and Coca Cola!
He'll make you glad you are in Texas. the Jew Nerusalem.

I won't tell that one to the rabbi. Also, the Quakers know that place and like it.
I love their temple top, it reminds me of the stone temple high above Phan Thiet
on the South China Sea on a promentory with carved steps up the side
of the high escarpment that cuts straight down where the mountains turn inland
from the coast, due west toward the wasteland that waited 100 miles westward,
like the Gulf Oil Spill, only here the dead populace are FISH! yeahm gimme an "F"!!!!

Things fell apart. I induced them to do so. Being born again is not that easy.
Satori is not really known to the induced mind. Satori is the original mind at rest.

I am getting out of myself again. I heard a woman cry as she said she had bought herself
a little electric Christmas tree, lit it, and played "Let it Snow!" She is alone now,
but has her home meeting with me, "Save Your Ass." The way of the samurai
is no less than this. We bear our cross with ultimate compassion. I am following
that Jew man, Jesus. I know there is a higher Wisdom Mind. How else could
a place like this exist?

I am trying to get my nephew the poet to join Studio Eight. I know he can use the community.

2010 truly is a year of changes, wringing victory out of the damp sour mildewed months
of autumn into the holy days
breathing with intent.

Never give up and watch out for the edges. They are dangerous places.
Don't fall off the year. Make it work for you. This is the day of judgement, now.
[color=darkcyan]i'm on a survival mission
yo ho ho an a bottle of rum om[/color]

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Artguy
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by Artguy » December 15th, 2010, 11:21 am

Jimbo...Tonglen for you...your inner power and creative source is what we all need....guns the ultimate expression of human hatred that learned concept shoved down our throats with mashed potatoes.

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MrGuilty
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by MrGuilty » December 15th, 2010, 12:18 pm

sounds like the worst of times
and the best of times
Just happy to jam with you

I saw Zlatko on studio eight that cheered me up too. I wish I knew what to say
I remember speaking at Quaker meetings stoned, a tendency for my talk to get ahead of my walk.

Something you said about your treasure wonders me.
I thought our treasure is buried in our heart
that honey hive

I had the adrenalin shakes this morning from a woman I have know all her life, I was twelve years old when she was born.
The dread of homelessness won of my worst flashbacks
She slaming doors showing her ass
Tells her husband I am taping a porn movie down stairs
I tell my nephew I will never get out of her fucking house alive.
Her husband who I a ffectionately call "the bear" before he married my baby sister the bear was a big old friendly texan. look at him now,
I tell my sister I am just your brother not your husband
take your loathing for me and show it to him

My sister a high maintenance woman for sure, poor litttle princess cheesecake, I can have compassion on her at the same time I am pissed off at her.
With a father like crazy mike
she got right to resent men
but she has kept the bear alive
after the brain tumor wrecked him
the way he is now got more to do with that tumor than my sister.
she does love him
this is their second marriage, when he found at he had the tumor he married her again so their would be no legal hassles for his estate such as it is. He loves her, ain't love grand, I can see why only fools do it

I think about moving to Corpus finding a run down apartment building near the water, but the best I can probably do is a week at the beach.
Yeah I knew it was going to be a heck of a year, election years are so interesting.
There is an upside to living here in spite of my sister's hysteria. I can see the stars at night. Something I could not do at my comfortable little crib by t he railroad tracks in Schertz Texas

Speaking of samurai what do you think of my avatar, unusual insignia for a military unit. Is it? I have not been able to figure out why they chose it. The twenty ninth division sign above the Fell's Point Market back in mobtown whenn I was a kid in the forties, the 29 the maryland and deleware national guard.
that description of the road was a poetic road trip

You know this might be way off the thread for twenty ten but something you said about the VA hospital reminds me very much of this novel Love In The Ruins by walker percy, I got close for now but going to post the part of the book that relates to what you were saying.

edges
lions and tigers and bears
I used to think I could not fall off the edge of my mind
then I met someone who did.

shit not done with this yet be back
showers, no showers
I can't remember why
you were not getting showers.
Just happy to jam with you
I used to be smart

Free Rice

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Artguy
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by Artguy » December 16th, 2010, 12:02 pm

I can see you Jimbo being as Loco as Basho high in a cave laughing at the non selves that roam aimlessly upon the sad eyed earth...

Steve Plonk
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by Steve Plonk » December 17th, 2010, 8:31 pm

"The Gateless Gate Penny Haiku"
By Steve Plonk

I write this and play the fool
I don't hesitate,
Writing this in honor of Studio Eight,
The Gateless Gate...
Hurry up and then you wait,
But mind is moving,
Through the gateless gate...
Power up your mind
With the echoed bells of time
Dazzle your eyes
With stars & sighs
Fear not the absurd
It's a brand new tug of the word...

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still.trucking
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by still.trucking » January 16th, 2011, 10:45 am

Well Steve we jamed 2010 to an end
Will we turn the page
Good bye 2010
The elections over but
I am sure 2011 going to be interesting too
"Natural selection, as it has operated in human history, favors not only the clever but the murderous." Barbara Ehrenreich

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Free Rice

Steve Plonk
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by Steve Plonk » January 16th, 2011, 1:19 pm

Still truckin', Every day I live seems more interesting,
when folks like you metriculate on the internet.
I really enjoyed this last year talking with people
on studio eight. Another year in the new decade...

Thank goodness, We're all not carbon copies of one
another. Life would be so boring if we all were "cookie cut types"
with finger painted smiles... Hopefully, this year will be
"further on into day" as C. S. Lewis once said...

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tarbaby
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Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by tarbaby » January 16th, 2011, 2:04 pm

further on into the decade
matriculation continues
"outside of a small circle of friends" Phil Ochs
“Where is that man who has forgotten words that I may have a word with him?”

Steve Plonk
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Joined: December 12th, 2009, 4:48 pm

Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010

Post by Steve Plonk » March 5th, 2011, 3:29 pm

"Moving on down the line,
Living on Tulsa time..." See the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6MbPWzIFUk

Gotta keep on flowing where we're going,
Whether it's sunny, rainy, or snowing,
Indefatigueable & rolling with finesse,
No matter whether things are great, or
If things are in distress--
Positive thinking helps get us through
We see the positive in me and in you...
I keep the light shining in the windows...
Listening to the tweets of returning swallows...

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