Re: The New Decade Jam - starting Jan 2010
Posted: October 26th, 2010, 9:37 am
My mom is not here with me in the flesh....as we are toxic to each other.
But she knows I love her now and I know she loves me within her capability.....
she lives in NC, near my sister Della, with whom I have a deeper soul relationship.
I do speak with some of my deceased relatives, something I started this year.....wow, because my relationship with them has kept on growing....I call my stepfather "Pops!" and I call my biologic father "Daddy-o!" Pops was 72 when he succumbed to a brain tumor. I had always been estranged from him, becaiuse he was mean spirited, emotionally distant, looked down on me as another "mouth to feed." NOw I know him a lot better. He looks down on me with a warm interest. I know this, because he was always growing. When I visited him on his hospice bed at home, he struggled for the right words, but when he saw me, he lifted up his head and smiled a big smile (I always remember big smiles that were given to me), and said, stammering and searching for words, "Oh you're the one who had such a hard time and now you're doing well...." That was the last thing he ever said to me and also that was only the second compliment and greeting I had ever gotten from him. Two years before, I had visited them in Texas after I had completed RN training and he told me, "You will make a good nurse!" and we had a firm handshake and eye contact.
When I came back from the VVAW prortests at Miami Beach, 1972, he saw the red white and blue peace sign I had on my VW bus and said, "footprint of an AMERICAN CHICKEN!" They all turned on me, grandparents, parents. Bad words came my way. Now I look back and it's all fluff. We did our job and we are continuing. I am an current member of VVAW, pay attention, keep contacts, do some little bit of teaching from time to time, whether spontaneously ijn conversation, or thru an occasional article for the VVAW magazine, also on line at http://www.vvaw.org
Hey POPS! He agrees with me. We can talk rationally now.
Daddy-o was a young man, 6 days before his 23rd birthday, he bought the farm in a rice field in south Louisiana. Now he sits there, has some shades, he and Pops get together for me whenever I want. I can see Pops, his facial expressions, smiling now and encouraging. This is good.
Plonky Donky to the rescue.....I found my dead father's old friend from WW2, who is also my older sister's godfather, in 1972. Her had sent sister silver spoons on her birthday until she was five. My mother had remarried Pops, had my rebel sister Marg (also in heaven age 33, 1983, brain tumor) and we lost contact. I was guided to him, somehow, when I chose a SAC assignment to fly tankers from a base in NH, where I had never lived.....this assignment selection was processed and affirmed early in my year in Vietnam, so that when the tour was over, I had grown weary and angry about everything, draconian ecocide and so on. There was no sense to it at all. I got home in Sept, 71. I met him the following January, after I had refused duty and had sought out a Quaker woman via the peace network. She was a local and counselled draft resisters and in-service C.O.'s....her hubbie, Robin, gave sanctuary and counsel to AWOL soldiers, and if they decided to return to the military, Robin went with them to assure they were treated fairly.
I told all my ultra-conservative relatives I had met the man who was close to my Daddy-o......they were like pillars of salt, stoney without being stoned.
Now let me freak you. texas trucking likes the sad pic of me as a young man. This was taken by Marg, a pair of pics, happy-sad of me in B&W.....on Thanksgiving, 1973, just weeks after I had unknowingly impregnated Deb, who was my friend, but she didn't want a relationship.....I was sad and broken when I met her, but also happy. That summer I wanted to love her, but she let me know I was too problematic, so I stuffed it and became her friend, six months of friendship, then we got a little drunk at her place and Ireached for her and she reached me back.
The next morning, it was like non-attachment, time to go. I was lost, felt unwanted, upset. I didn't see her for a week. Then a bimbo seduced me for fun, in my room. She got up laughing and left for a room full of girls bullshitting and they all laughed at me! (A dorm on a mountaintop, coed, with ratio 10 to 1 ladies.) That bimbo was the only other chick I popped, but many of them had hit on me, one lady would come into my room and shave her legs. Eventually she got popped by the maintenance man instead. I moved out of the dorm. How do you sit down at a table with 4 women, all of whom you've been in the sack with, two of whom you have popped? It is not funny. I could not have a relationship because I had nothing in common with them, except my friend.....When I saw her next, I wanted to hug her, but she said, "You don't care who you do it with!" Then I had lost my friend as well.
My celestial sister Marg, with ten earthly years left, took two pics of me, and my friend did come and viisit me once in my grotto apt, after that and she asked me for the happy-sad pics copies and I gave them to her. She said nothing....I waited for her at her work on a sunny December day with snow cover. She gave me a big smile of confidence, and I told her I'd come back sometime and we'd "shoot the shit!" She said yes, then a goodbye hug, no tears.....until 37 years later to the season, when our angel daughter crossed paths with me on 10/10/2010
She gave me her email address when I called her up, but I noted some anger, when she said "F" as in FRANK!" I sobbed a little, but diid not tell her why, just asked her if she had read the certified letter....."Oh, I ll have to check my mail".....she got scared, called the Vermont troopers. Now I am getting some results, because the trooper told her what was in the letter and is now my verbal go-between. But I sent her an email letting her know how I want her to heal. She was hurt badly by that knockup, I know now, and she gave her up for adoption.
Now she has the info on how to find her daughter. We were awestruck and speechless, me and my daughter and she has to know that I am finding her mother. I am sure the man I sopke to first, before our wordless locking, is telling her that her mother knows now and she is going to find her.
So do the Vermont Troopers, Brattleboro. and she has those pictures taken by Marg. Everything I went through, all those years of hellish shit, the long painful return, my marriiage to a normal woman, who I care about, as she led me to my daughter, who recognised me and I recognized her.
Higher wisdom mind? These 2 miracles, Robin (still my good friend and confidant at times at 87, my sister's godfather who was close to our deceased father)
and having an angel daughter with Deb, the one who I always remembered as my friend, led to her 37 years later in the very same season, exact. She has my celestial sister's photographs of me from Thanksgiving, 1973, a month after Deb got pregnant by me and said nothing, because of my sadness and grief.
Here we are. Marg and Pops are watching with interest. Hey Daddy-O, you have another granddaughter! She is 36 and has a strong spirt from a magnificent New York Italian family. Thankyou Lord. Amen
"Roll on, Columbia!" 2010 unbelieveable roll on!
But she knows I love her now and I know she loves me within her capability.....
she lives in NC, near my sister Della, with whom I have a deeper soul relationship.
I do speak with some of my deceased relatives, something I started this year.....wow, because my relationship with them has kept on growing....I call my stepfather "Pops!" and I call my biologic father "Daddy-o!" Pops was 72 when he succumbed to a brain tumor. I had always been estranged from him, becaiuse he was mean spirited, emotionally distant, looked down on me as another "mouth to feed." NOw I know him a lot better. He looks down on me with a warm interest. I know this, because he was always growing. When I visited him on his hospice bed at home, he struggled for the right words, but when he saw me, he lifted up his head and smiled a big smile (I always remember big smiles that were given to me), and said, stammering and searching for words, "Oh you're the one who had such a hard time and now you're doing well...." That was the last thing he ever said to me and also that was only the second compliment and greeting I had ever gotten from him. Two years before, I had visited them in Texas after I had completed RN training and he told me, "You will make a good nurse!" and we had a firm handshake and eye contact.
When I came back from the VVAW prortests at Miami Beach, 1972, he saw the red white and blue peace sign I had on my VW bus and said, "footprint of an AMERICAN CHICKEN!" They all turned on me, grandparents, parents. Bad words came my way. Now I look back and it's all fluff. We did our job and we are continuing. I am an current member of VVAW, pay attention, keep contacts, do some little bit of teaching from time to time, whether spontaneously ijn conversation, or thru an occasional article for the VVAW magazine, also on line at http://www.vvaw.org
Hey POPS! He agrees with me. We can talk rationally now.
Daddy-o was a young man, 6 days before his 23rd birthday, he bought the farm in a rice field in south Louisiana. Now he sits there, has some shades, he and Pops get together for me whenever I want. I can see Pops, his facial expressions, smiling now and encouraging. This is good.
Plonky Donky to the rescue.....I found my dead father's old friend from WW2, who is also my older sister's godfather, in 1972. Her had sent sister silver spoons on her birthday until she was five. My mother had remarried Pops, had my rebel sister Marg (also in heaven age 33, 1983, brain tumor) and we lost contact. I was guided to him, somehow, when I chose a SAC assignment to fly tankers from a base in NH, where I had never lived.....this assignment selection was processed and affirmed early in my year in Vietnam, so that when the tour was over, I had grown weary and angry about everything, draconian ecocide and so on. There was no sense to it at all. I got home in Sept, 71. I met him the following January, after I had refused duty and had sought out a Quaker woman via the peace network. She was a local and counselled draft resisters and in-service C.O.'s....her hubbie, Robin, gave sanctuary and counsel to AWOL soldiers, and if they decided to return to the military, Robin went with them to assure they were treated fairly.
I told all my ultra-conservative relatives I had met the man who was close to my Daddy-o......they were like pillars of salt, stoney without being stoned.
Now let me freak you. texas trucking likes the sad pic of me as a young man. This was taken by Marg, a pair of pics, happy-sad of me in B&W.....on Thanksgiving, 1973, just weeks after I had unknowingly impregnated Deb, who was my friend, but she didn't want a relationship.....I was sad and broken when I met her, but also happy. That summer I wanted to love her, but she let me know I was too problematic, so I stuffed it and became her friend, six months of friendship, then we got a little drunk at her place and Ireached for her and she reached me back.
The next morning, it was like non-attachment, time to go. I was lost, felt unwanted, upset. I didn't see her for a week. Then a bimbo seduced me for fun, in my room. She got up laughing and left for a room full of girls bullshitting and they all laughed at me! (A dorm on a mountaintop, coed, with ratio 10 to 1 ladies.) That bimbo was the only other chick I popped, but many of them had hit on me, one lady would come into my room and shave her legs. Eventually she got popped by the maintenance man instead. I moved out of the dorm. How do you sit down at a table with 4 women, all of whom you've been in the sack with, two of whom you have popped? It is not funny. I could not have a relationship because I had nothing in common with them, except my friend.....When I saw her next, I wanted to hug her, but she said, "You don't care who you do it with!" Then I had lost my friend as well.
My celestial sister Marg, with ten earthly years left, took two pics of me, and my friend did come and viisit me once in my grotto apt, after that and she asked me for the happy-sad pics copies and I gave them to her. She said nothing....I waited for her at her work on a sunny December day with snow cover. She gave me a big smile of confidence, and I told her I'd come back sometime and we'd "shoot the shit!" She said yes, then a goodbye hug, no tears.....until 37 years later to the season, when our angel daughter crossed paths with me on 10/10/2010
She gave me her email address when I called her up, but I noted some anger, when she said "F" as in FRANK!" I sobbed a little, but diid not tell her why, just asked her if she had read the certified letter....."Oh, I ll have to check my mail".....she got scared, called the Vermont troopers. Now I am getting some results, because the trooper told her what was in the letter and is now my verbal go-between. But I sent her an email letting her know how I want her to heal. She was hurt badly by that knockup, I know now, and she gave her up for adoption.
Now she has the info on how to find her daughter. We were awestruck and speechless, me and my daughter and she has to know that I am finding her mother. I am sure the man I sopke to first, before our wordless locking, is telling her that her mother knows now and she is going to find her.
So do the Vermont Troopers, Brattleboro. and she has those pictures taken by Marg. Everything I went through, all those years of hellish shit, the long painful return, my marriiage to a normal woman, who I care about, as she led me to my daughter, who recognised me and I recognized her.
Higher wisdom mind? These 2 miracles, Robin (still my good friend and confidant at times at 87, my sister's godfather who was close to our deceased father)
and having an angel daughter with Deb, the one who I always remembered as my friend, led to her 37 years later in the very same season, exact. She has my celestial sister's photographs of me from Thanksgiving, 1973, a month after Deb got pregnant by me and said nothing, because of my sadness and grief.
Here we are. Marg and Pops are watching with interest. Hey Daddy-O, you have another granddaughter! She is 36 and has a strong spirt from a magnificent New York Italian family. Thankyou Lord. Amen
"Roll on, Columbia!" 2010 unbelieveable roll on!