sunny, you bring out the best in me
i'll have to read your poems more often
dedicated to my mother and to my father's great nephew
who is a poet, to show him men can write poems
as though their lives depended upon it, and this is good
my mother was a wounded bird
my mother was a wounded bird
first a young widow then she married a man from kansas
who was stern and scary to us kids but warm to her
until we grew up then he was learning too,
finally he was my friend for a little while, then he died
compassionate with a big heart, his spirit revealed
"you are the one who had such a hard time and now you are doing so well!"
he said to me with much difficulty, unable to remember my name
yet remembering who i was, dear pops it's never too late!
i know you were on a learning curve because of all us radical kids
out of the epitome of steel and world war two, you went around it east·wards
out of america, through north africa, the suez canal, india, burma, china, shanghai,
a train to kansas out of los angeles 4 years later, then you made it complete
when ya sold my ma a hot dog on coney island, hey!
it sure woulda been sweet ta have ya for th whole ride, but
you were wounded too, like all men the past ten thousand years, bru·tal·ised
had to leave your first kids in kansas
cause my rebel sister margie was in th womb of my mammy
dude, 'sides you were going anyway, you had seen the world in a war
and just believed in what a man's gotta do
had to leave my kindergarten girlfriend because of you
went out west past buttes and mesas, then
back over to arkansas where we lived on a couple of farms once we got settled,
then you went to texas where i had my second girlfriend, 8
and you put me down when i got my sister's stolen bike back
and i still didn't know you were mean
you didn't know this either
"forgive them, for they know not what they do"
it was a short term affair a tryst across the street in her garage
in a side closet she took me there and pulled me down
then we moved an next girlie was when i was 12,
became a mischeif maker nights camping out
bad kid theif 13
nice and lonely at home so it goes, got away
was cannon fodder for a war to make my parents proud
pops even insulted me when i got my commission
said i didn't look like a louey with a scornful mutter,
got away made him proud, then
told him it was a crime
you can imagine the alienation
us radical kids split asunder yet we stayed in touch
it's definately getting better now the curse has been killed
the fall of man has been revealed at last as the fall of men
girls rule an guys drool
men don't rule alone never
not before not in the future
yes we are still in repair and rebuilding
what we once had before ten thousand years ago
and we'll get it back because we are better men
we're not tea party people anymore
they're nothing new
just a reminder of the snakeskin we are shedding
that's all
we like our colors and our colored friends
tea partiers are being shed as we now speak
bye bye
my mother's mother married a womanizer carouzer career military man
lots of alone time.......
my mother's mother's mother married a profligate gambler who
lost all his inheritance.......
my mother's mother's mother's mother married an entrepreneur
got rich left it all to his sons.......
the other son married my mother's mother's mother's sister
ran away with his money.......
left his wife and daughter, my great aunt nelle
a spinster who became a happy woman in california
lived with my mother's brother, my uncle, her nephew, she coped
at one point i was living with 5 generations of ladies
sister, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, great great grandmother
the women have always cared for one another
i remember nanan, great grandma, hunched over smiling at me
the house was dark, a sunny backyard quiet and peaceful
mother's mom told me "james, you are independent" when i was 5
that's all i remember as she was passing thru arkansas
on her way to california to live with with my uncle bless him,
her son, and my great aunt, her cousin
grandmother marie died young, broken and dejected
the one who had nothing left to give
became a christian scientist
refused treatment for a fluttering heart
mary baker eddy was a magnificent lady
her teachings are alienated from the material world and it's a sign
the pathos of spirit and coarse matter at odds
christian science, if taken as complimentary instead of as an alternative,
would help to heal that rift
and change how we use these things
and it's hopeful that this wonderful teaching
will become reconnected for the benefit of all
we men are on a learning curve
when i fully understood what my mother went thru
where she came from
i can see how she was damaged goods
and know that's why she was never able to be a strong loving mother
her strength went into coping
i love her now with insight
a lot i can feel it now
before it was a shadowed question
the rational mind wants meaning in spirituality
there is spirit in logic if allowed the intrusion
only took me almost 63 years to get it
will is rational god's gift to people
the intellect to learn about the material world to live better
took us over 100,000 years to make a bronze sword
thank goodness we had time to learn how to live well before this
in clans and tribes there was no warfare in northern europe
before the vandals and the goths came on horses with swords
they only had to defend against theives and wild beasts
and so we are indoctrinated into this cruel mystery too
except something did not click for us,
we knew something was wrong
adam and eve
and we had to carry it with us
the heavy weight of this secret of violence within us from before
was in dissonance with what we rationally knew should be
eve and adam
she's under the tree offering him a fruit
look here, she says, this is good
we know good and evil
like we always did
the snake is the tortuous way she had to heal man
the lord works in mysterious ways
through a patriarchal myth
and 4 male holy men
three jews and an arab
and all the asian and shamanic forces as well
coming alive now as never before
the prophet of the future will be maitreya
and maybe a shamanic woman you never know
that this is possible within human beings is known
shamans have always been with us everywhere
natural ministers from human beings
with a celestial faith
there's a grain here
tell me i got it down it is what it is
what it is
disillusionment is the first unfortunate experience
you have to live a full life
to begin to untangle the mess we were left with
son, your disillusionment poems are good
very very good
right living
watch for the abyss
deep faith has a sanctuary there
inside within
hugs
whattayagonnado?
sky burial
me too
my priest is judas
he was disillusioned, too much so it will destroy you
been there almost done that
climbed back outa th abyss renewed yet still shaken
not judas he died loathing for what he had done
but even more, he knew they were not ready for his master's teaching
he knew what would happen
the corruption of the word
when moses came down from the holy hill
he saw them with a golden calf on an altar
with celebrations of joy and carefree abandon
he said, "i don't care if it is a golden cow or a golden fish
ya can't share it in thanksgiving
and ya can't make god protect you
with all your measured gold
melted down into an offering"
and he broke the stone tablets
they stopped dancing
he went back up again
came back down with another set of stone tablets
reminded them the intent to give thanks
is all they need for salvation
muhammad knows moses and jesus all too well
he came here later to steer us back again
the golden cross raised on high
is like the golden calf
we slay in the name of jesus
recruited by pope urban retiring in gaul
our jousting knights and peasants were fodder for the wars
they suited them up in tunics with crosses at the front and back
and gave them indulgences, praise and forgiveness,
marched them out of the towns with trumpets and fanfare and well wishing
they felt stronger and better than ever before, crusaders
on the way east, they practiced killing to overcome their fears
the po·groms against the jews on the crusades is not well known
we killed them all when we could
sometimes they killed themselves first before we could shame them
then fierce and brutalised we went to our slaughter
when we met the muslims in turkey 'cause
every good muslim knows moses was telling the people of the book to live right
and still we did not understand
kinky freidman, the jewish texan who ran for governor
said the ten commandments should be the ten suggestions
"you will not kill" is an im·per·a·tive and is not even tenable
it's impossible so we detach from it
we say to ourselves, "god really means it this way"
as we shake our heads and kill anyway
because it's so carved in a stone ideal and not real
and therefore we let our pope and bishops
tell us what we want to be true
we want glory for god and sacrificing ourselves
in mortal combat with the unbeleivers is our way
of imitating the martyrdumb of christ
and it's not even stated that way
"thou shall not kill" is softer anyhow
it's harder to kill with a plow
god never really wanted any sacrifices
the early shamans made sacrifices of animals
for thanksgiving
and sharing and sometimes
for alleviating fear and uncertainty, 'tis true
but their motives were pure
the sword corrupted them too
sometimes they sacrificed other people
like us only without pretense
the return of the early ways is on the rise
we're modern men we know how to compromise
give thanks and be gentlemen in the company of a lady
so we are here now and we are almost ready
goodness is next to godliness
be strong live strong
for the meek and lowly
abba
amen