lovely pretend

[sonofthesun]

pretend
that you love me
all the while you hate me
control me
try to make me what you want me to be
pretend
I am free
while you sit and watch
and whisper
disturbing pictures into my thought stream
who can i trust
when the people's elected government
treats me.
as a citizen.
as a criminal.
before thought of my wellbeing

when i must pay to fish in a stream
and put my kids in school
k to 12
to get educated
is this a positive
or just something made
that expects to be paid
in order of continuance

this needs not continue.
the excesses of government
in place to make criminals
whilst all the while They
perpetrate crimes against us
hidden behind our own well being

this is not for US, it is just for the thing created

[sonofthesun]

we all may die
but that which was
shall always be

[creativesoul]

my understanding is that- all of which i give- is so returned in so many ways- that the love and the money and the saturated conversations were bathing in love- that hearing things right- criminal or civil servant- that which i do is what salvages me- from the duldrums of thinking that 'they' have already won-they are the ones that wake up 'unhappy' and it would appear that anyone that just might be-- HOWEVER- IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY- AND THE TENSION AND EXCITEMENT IN LIFE IS OUT thERE- AND I WANT TO RUB UP AGAINEST some of that beauty- love on the world- because.... i can- my freedom is right here- within my three feet-
excellant writing my friend- even if you do not believe in love= just pretend this is the best love you ever felt- let that water clean anything off you that isnt yours- start fresh- i guess i needed to wash all that sadness off- and project a new life- thru the light- onto a wall- those images- brought me back to life- maybe that whisper is what i want to hear-

[creativesoul]

after that water soothed my soul- there was only healing
left to do

[sonofthesun]

smiles

[creativesoul]

Peace

[sonofthesun]

i may seem pessimistic but i am not, i guess what i write tends to be negative...Your positivve thoughts always are welcome. I have an crush on you(your words to my posts and my thought of who you are). smiles. I use poetry to release. I guess I didnt think enough about how it affects others. I am a child of the new age of entitlement. I expect good things, and if it doesnt happen, we all must complain. why except less

[creativesoul]

i like you too- and i like your writing- although i think writers are the greatest- we have such a strange wiring= the current-just flows thru us-and ......with people like us- our love, our thoughts- our music inside just goes off- and there is no 'turning it down' - it seems to get louder and louder -and the acoustics roll it off catherdral ceilings and long staircases in europe- windmills turning and skies filled with dreams that are only touchable with the heart s desires-but this morning my sweet inspired friend- i want to share about how - some people have to have 'the last word'..... the last word- ugh- a while back i got some deer bones gifted to me- the junkyard dog= [jack of all trades master of none] boiled thee meat off- for a breast plate- [dancer item] and the junkyard dog left the pot with all that stinky crap- which is why i do not do 'dead things' tanning etc drum making- and my roomate sayd' the dog thru up- can you and the junkyard dog bury that today/"
i said' you mentioned that last evening- i have not forgotten

i think it is funny watching anyone try to find a way to get my officers to march to whatever band they are in- i think that i become deaf around people like that- if you say 'huh' enough eventually they will quit it- naturally this behavior is not recommended in relationships or marriages- but i must admit- it is quite sucessful in that area as well- if you happen to be like me- and do not take well- to advice, suggestions, crtitisim, guilt and shame as a manipulation tool- withholding sex= having way too much sex- no sex for years- all of these acts of behavior can be observed-- here in the living room-right now she is walking back and forth opening big drafty doors and i = in my intelligence- have learned to wear a blanket so that her opening and closing of the air ducts- endless jibberish with the dogs- do not interfere with my ability to write- the commitment is as such- nothing- can come before the writing-
it seems that - my desires to be creative are in direct conflict with my love life- because no one wants to be 'second' to the first love of my life- wriitng- i work strange hours= i get up and smoke a lil and go back to my dreamtime = i slept like a rock- and i wake up- wondering how the sunlight and the heat in my room could be so awesome- i woke up in the middle of the night and made a great sandwich= in my sleep-
back in the day- when i could still stay awake late at night and make love wit meaningful heavy breathing- it was so awesome- all hot and sweaty= and dellusional- i believed whatever i wanted in that euphoria-and now - i feel blessed to have had any of that at all- whenever i think of those days- my mind wants to cook-a big dinner- with some of that spaghetti sauce that they almost lick out of the crock pot after ceremony-left over yummys in bed after lovemaking- yes all that- is somewhere right here- and well- i would say- that ---
it has been an experience getting to know you- that crush is sweet- tastes like sugar - and wakes up that lil girl inside that likes to smile and ride the rides at the carnival- bumper cars and popcorn and all that that implies- 'always liked that word- IMPLICATION- IMPLIES=
I WISH that people were not so intrusive- i mean come on- in this whole big room why do you have to rattle and make noise ?right here next to me?
i will be living in a treehouse and a yurt as soon as possible- i have one thing i never have to give away again- AUTONOMY= INDEPENDENCE= FREEDOM- I HAVE A STAND UP PADDLE BOARD = and at any given time i just might go sup- [surfing on a stand up]= i can get wet and cold and be with what i call the big GOD = ocean- river- WATERS OF LIFE----but IF i could share that in a burst of energy - with a lil jaded perspective- i would give you some of that - that good stuff that somehow came back to me after that period of -'uh oh i dunno if i can swim these waters'- i could not swim so i had to float- the gradually that swimming thing came back- my muscles returned and began working with me = instead of againest me-and suddenly i was swimming again-
like you- there have been periods of dry insist-ant sand storms and and opinions that it would have been fine if you never had to listen to any of it- but - well-- today- my bet is that - you will find a way to be happy- that life will gift you something unexpected and beautiful-=because you were kind- and that kindness will grow like the seed in a pomegranit - lush and juicy- with that i gotta go- the natives are restless and it is yet another lodge building experience today- mmmmm always there - for the dirty work- my mind want one thing' DAY SPA DAY SPA DAY SPA- ' smiles

[sonofthesun]

we forge chains of own devising
why is it?
fear of this expanse
we hold within us?
or that another may come
and place us in them?
better to have chains of our own imagination
than that of another we have yet to think of


the beauty of thought, the beauty of the simple pleasure, a kindness unexpected, the beauty of how any one thing is as important as any other, we are all children within this no matter how hard we pretend, life is bumper cars, roller-coasters, cotton candy, and the haunted house, it is all about how we take it, blood sweat piss shit and all. I wish you to know I do believe in love. I cry for it, not in a necessarily sad way, I feel more than most it seems. Hence the purported negative outlook. I expect more.

i become "lost" in thought a lot, many think i am quiet or ignoring them, which is true sometimes, but my internal wheels go at a different speed than most, and I do not need simple pleasantries to feel comfort in other's presence. as also their importance of certain things means almost naught to me.

laughs, and it is funny, when others don't realize who they are dealing with. huh is a great admonishment that most don't get.

sounds like you are in a beautiful place and that is what we all must strive for, as why not...


i wrote this in a disjointed way...hope it comes out coherent. smiles

[creativesoul]

TRUE- and well- i understand- ignoring them? i dunno- i think people talk in certain tones when they do not even want to be communicating- they become-nasal- hard to hear- condsecending- patronizing- weird- -- i think baking is more pleasurable-
love- QUITE THE TOPIC- YEAH I HAVE CRIED FOR IT TOO- begged for it- taken pills to try to make myself into the pretzel i thought he would love- yeah well- love is spiritual- and when someone is getting the juice from somewhere other than 'it s all about me or its all about you '
then some real love can come thru= but most of the times humans are fat heads and we dont know how to do this- we are kind of stupid actully- we wreck perfectly good love because we were lust- or ignoring the machinery of a perfectly good woman= because they were obsessed with another- so life goes- all the people i thought were beyond rteproach have since fallen off the pedistal= CRASH BANG ZOOM and guess what =?
i was ok- after the crash- i healed up just fine- see- and the people i loved know it- they still do- no matter how self absorbed they are- and on that note- i pray you feel love from your head to your toes- it was all worth it!