Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

rolling past fields
of beans
past fields of oats
of rye & corn
tomatoes in house gardens
I go by up on two wheels
i look round & round
up & down
then i look ahead
down the road
I'm the wheelman
and gonna find peace by & by
gonna find peace someday

power outage
last night 5:30 til !0:45
this morning
7am to 9:30 am
no studio eight
no fans or AC...
had to buy ice to keep
food from spoiling
no love from BGE
they're just trying
to save money, fuck
the customers that pay
them whatever they demand
no love baby...only greed
been thinking about a generator
for a few years now
they've gotten pretty quiet
might have to take the plunge
as we get closer to a third world
but the electricity is back now
and so is S8....so all is well again
for the moment....love is restored

i found myself wondering where u were?....relief.....bge wassup?
Doreen too...she's missin the jam???....maybe we should send her an invitation

24/7 door's open
always invited
no need to call

love is the jam
the jelly, the roll
the rest is just window
decorations, love
is the real deal
the happy meal
the sale so good
they call it a steal
love is the bomb, the explosion
in the heart, the cells
immersed in life,
and when that is stolen
from us, we have to learn
how to make sense of it all
and well, there are no answers
coming, only grief, only
a void where something unique
once lived, so we turn
to coping, and moving like
a robot through our daily chores
crying when the time is right
smiling when the time is right
feeling filled up when the time is right
with all that love meant to us
and finding a place where that love
can permanently reside for us
to call upon when we are low
love never really dies, it moves
to a different location

I'm sorry, I haven't been home.
I've been lying down in an empty bed
in a vacant house.
I force myself to stand up but when I do,
I trip over shattered shards
of my heart strewn all over the carpet,
and when I pick myself up off the floor and
try to walk, I trip again over
his shoes.

......

I don't handle these things as well as others. People die every day. We all have losses. Why am I different? Others move on more easily. I cannot get the image out of my mind of seeing him sitting next to me after a beautiful summer day, one minute happy and fully alive, then falling asleep and not waking up, the color going out of his face, his skin becoming cold. Why? I tried to love again after other losses.... and I did. And now this? It's been a month. People tell me I should be getting better by now but I'm not. Don't worry. I will survive. .... Until it's my turn.

I'm grateful for your love.... all of you... your beautiful words. Thank you so very much!

Steve... I love this!

love never really dies, it moves
to a different location

I've been concerned about you, thinking about you, hoping you're healing well and staying strong. I'm sorry I haven't written or called. I feel very bad about it.

Doreen Peri wrote:I don't handle these things as well as others. People die every day. We all have losses. Why am I different? Others move on more easily....... It's been a month. People tell me I should be getting better by now but I'm not. Don't worry. I will survive. .... Until it's my turn.

Doreen, anyone who tells you that after a month you should be getting over this is full of shit. Why are you different? Because we all are. We all grieve at different rates. I was months getting over losing a dog. A dog!! You never really get over it - the scar tissue just stops hurting, the tears just come less frequently. You'll know when you get there. And you will get there. Hang tough.

Doreen Peri wrote: and when I pick myself up off the floor and
try to walk, I trip again over
his shoes.

Fucking Righteous !

hugs.
grief hasn't heard of any specific agenda. Grief has its own pace.
it is what it is. until one day, it might shift a bit for laughter. when my friend was able, she became a medical clown to help laughter come to visit.

thanks, Doreen, truly for sharing what's happening. I appreciate the effort, and respect your honesty.

Can't be more honest than death.
The great equalizer.

Thank you Judih.

sasha wrote: Doreen, anyone who tells you that after a month you should be getting over this is full of shit. Why are you different? Because we all are. We all grieve at different rates. I was months getting over losing a dog. A dog!! You never really get over it - the scar tissue just stops hurting, the tears just come less frequently. You'll know when you get there. And you will get there. Hang tough.

People mean well, Sasha. They just want to see me doing better. I'm still in the shock stage. I really need to find a grief counseling group to attend. I can definitely understand how losing your dog could affect you for months. .

I'm reading two books about grieving which are helping a little. I've been watching Buddhist philosophy videos about non-attachment and the cycle of life and death. But I'm having a very difficult time. Thank you for your kind words.

This thread where all of you have written to me is very special to me. .... Thanks to everyone again for the love and compassion.

putting it in words. It's our constant challenge. If we can get it out, get it down into syllables, perhaps it will heal, elevate, change the present reality. one word. one exhale. anything to shift the mind.

writers, we grasp at what we know.
no one controls anything, but we can at least write it and if we're brave enough, read what we wrote.

so, i write in clumsy english that i wish i could say something that might comfort. even the act of offering a sentence or two is my attempt to provide a distraction, a voice, to bridge the distance.

Doreen...there is no time table with grief...no schedule we need to adhere to ....no place we need to come to to make other people feel better that we are not getting along quickly enough...as sasha said that's just nonsense....nonsense perpetrated by people that don't know what to say...I'm sure they mean well, as you suggest, but it would better to keep your mouth shut than say something like, you need to get over this....you will never get over this....it's not something to get over....it's a life that cannot be replaced

my niece was murdered in 1995 and I still grieve for her nearly every day...her picture is on the refrigerator....I don't want to get over her death...I don't want to forget about her...when I see her picture I often gasp....at times I cry.....she was a beautiful spirit....stolen from our family, and we will never forget her or get over her....we cope....we still talk about her....grieving should not be a process of burying someone's memory.....for those of us that grieve, it is not our job to make others feel comfortable....everything needs to be out in the open....

time has a way of easing the acute suffering for most folks...I think because it is impossible to survive for a long time when the wounds remain acute....I hope in time
( however long that is ) that you will get some relief....I never thought I'd ever see my sister smile again....I never thought I'd see my brother-in-law laugh again....but they do these things now....they have grandchildren and good friends, other family....there is joy for them beyond their immense loss....one can only hope to reach this place.....that doesn't mean a song won't start the tears flowing like it was yesterday....peace and love doreen

saw wrote:Doreen...there is no time table with grief...no schedule we need to adhere to ....no place we need to come to to make other people feel better that we are not getting along quickly enough... that's just nonsense.... perpetrated by people that don't know what to say...I'm sure they mean well, as you suggest, but it would better to keep your mouth shut than say something like, you need to get over this....you will never get over this....it's not something to get over....it's a life that cannot be replaced

for those of us that grieve, it is not our job to make others feel comfortable...

What he said. What I wish I'd said.

saw wrote:my niece was murdered in 1995 and I still grieve for her nearly every day...her picture is on the refrigerator....I don't want to get over her death...I don't want to forget about her...when I see her picture I often gasp....at times I cry.....she was a beautiful spirit....stolen from our family, and we will never forget her or get over her....we cope....we still talk about her....grieving should not be a process of burying someone's memory......everything needs to be out in the open....

OMG, Steve - that's just awful. I've lost loved ones - we all have - but never to an act of violence. I'm 21 years too late, but my deepest condolences.

I lost my dad to lung cancer some 30 years ago. The tears come only rarely now, mostly when I'm at his grave - but I still dream of him often. He's getting a little blurry & indistinct around the edges, but he's the same stubborn SOB he was in life. In my mind, he'll never die.

-Roy/Sasha