missed again

[keithalanhamilton]

voices in the attic
scampering feet
high pitched shrills
tingling the spine
whispers in the closet
then silence
heart pounding
respiration quickens
hearing becomes keen
lying in stillness
waiting for more
growing tired
eyelids heavy
not going to make it
falling asleep
a horror flick’s ending
missed again

[Yejun]

Nice touch at the end.


I would say that full sentences rather than fragments, 'breath moments', actually create and sustain the tension you want here but that's just me.