How to get a job. (Pee in a cup?)

[Doreen Peri]

I do not do drugs but I won't pee in a cup just to prove it!

I saw your job on my list but since a sample's required, I removed it.

This verse may sound gross because guess what? It IS!

My urine, you see, is simply none of your biz!
I'll provide it to doctors to test for infections

but if you insist on a bodily fluid inspection, 

you lose my vast qualifications and get my rejection.

I believe in my personal privacy, see?
And it's not at all private to ask for my pee.
If I were applying to be a brain surgeon, sure,
but I'm a designer, so, there's no need to ask more
than a resume, references, portfolio!
A chemical test won't show what I know
about graphics and writing and marketing, either,
so I'll skip to the next on the list, take a breather.
Quite frankly, it's clear you are not a physician.
This practice won't prove I can ace the position.

Oh well, it's quite obvious this is your loss.
And that I definitely wouldn't want you as my boss.

dp 12.1.10

[jim turner]

A tickling piece of poetry. Maybe that has something to do with unemployment. At least one poet (ess) on this forum knows that even most jocks can't hit the pot, much less a little cup. jim

[Doreen Peri]

Yeah obviously about unemployment. Thus the title, "How to get a job."

Thanks for reading, Jim.

It's amazing to me how many employers require their employees to have their urine tested as part of the application process, no matter the type of job they do. It's a violation of privacy. Even after being hired, some employers routinely randomly screen their employee's urine several times a year without notice. (Anyway, that's how it is in the US where I live. I don't know if you live in the US or not).

It's appalling to me.

[Lao C Ryter]

"Pee in a cup" is a rung on the ladder that leads to "poop on a plate".

[Sue Littleton]

Being pure as the drive snow, take advantage thereof. Pee not for yourself, but pee for others at $10 a pee, hee hee! And stay firm in your analysis of the right to ignore the request by walking out the door. You might even flip them a birdie as you leave ... Hugs, babe! Sue

[jim turner]

Shucks! I meant say "tinkling piece of poetry." jim

[Arcadia]

arggghh doreen...! didn´t they ask for your blood yet??? (in order to have an "apto" to work as a teacher I had to deal here during a whole day with all the medical especializaciones in a public hospital jeje... ). Forza, ragazza! & great poem!

[mnaz]

not yet, Arcadia. No blood at application. They have plenty of time to bleed you after you're hired!.... Nice, Doreen. Right on. One of my "peeves" in recent times, this fixation with pee-testing. Loco-crazy...

[jim turner]

Wasn't something called the Emancipation Proclamation issued in 1863? I guess nobody alive today remembers. jim

[mnaz]

emancipation proclamation? yes, i've heard of it, read about it.

[still.trucking]

One of the perqs of being a member of congress, they have exempted themselves out of all the drug testing laws they have passed.

Good luck with it Doreen. Looking for a job is one of the hardest jobs I know.

You got a pretty nice poem out of it
just trying to see the upside.

[.Lucy.]

Ask what you will of me
but please, please don't
ask me to go in a cup.

I can go in a mug,
a jar
or a vat.

I can go in glass
a bowl
or stein,
but I won't go in a cup.

The cup is mine.