Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

ya can do this alive or dead- just feels better alive- im sure

right you are
I just don't like the sound of me when I am full of self pity

a few weeks ago I was starting to feel homeless again
getting ready to throw my life in the wind again
there was freedom in the wind when I was younger
but now it is a lost feeling to contemplate

The road was my refuge for a million miles
but now I dread it

I wish I could just click my heels together and be back in my Shenandoah home again.

talking about self pity
a fear of losing control
a drifting malaise
cosmic slop
so much repressed fear
hard to grow up at seventy three
this ain't poetry
just letting my fingers go
learning not to fear maybe that is maturity
I been a spooky kid for seventy three years now.
like a jack of nightmares
break breaking here >>>for a random fear<
If I ever do suicide I hope I could do it with a sailboat
the closest thing I have ever felt to being free was sailing
I like that metaphor for the end
sailing off into a sunrise

life against death
eros and thanatos
always a tension it seems

Good plan.

Life got so different, just still in the same pond, but looking at it a new way, the place I write the stories and it is ready for me to take it up even though it was surprising, it's pretty weird to have these unexpectations and to take them right up, as if I was expecting them.
Gone fishing, I could scratch it into the old tree and say I caught myself in the lines.

Jack, I hope you are well and there's always something about a boat and it being able to carry life not to take it. So let the boat be a good home, sail it like a whale and wake up every day eating.

You're always my friend, always.
xoxo

I'm looking up at that picture up there Jack of the sailboat and the island in the background. Put me out to sea and might-haps a whale will have a talk with me.

I was thinking of how hard it is to be naked in the sun.
Did you ever do it? It's so challenging even in a bikini. I mean being naked and sneaking is one thing, but out and out in full glaring blaring hot light sun with no cover nowheres noways, kind of tough. I plan to pull that trick off someday. I'm working on it exactly now and a few other times in my head.

It's been awhile.
I am facing fears, gotta figure things out and put the pieces around to make it pretty or pretty scary. My guy says I have enough mind powers to make a great big spider appear on the stitchings of a beautiful sundress I'm ready to jump out of the minute it shows up. He also says I should stop that and start making nice things get a go on and happens.

I don't know, but I need to figure it into a picture, asap.

I am here to keep up.
Hello, u.

Is it weird that after keeping up and reading a bit of what's on your mind that I start to think yo're him?

It was pretty scary to be out in the water not knowing if I know how to swim or not, but more than anything was my wanting to someday find out if I can. I am planning to find out.

There was a float tube and a long rope, someone pulled it through the water and I kept my face under and looked for fish, I felt close to being free, I was almost there. Sometimes I'd surface and look around on my side for him or try to find his body moving beside me to know I wasn't alone at sea. He was like a fish, just like being in the waters with catfish, so the story goes.
I like every chapter.

I want to go everywhere now, I don't think I'm very scared like I thought I'd be.
I guess I don't really know myself, but I will find out.

green lake on the isle of big -hawaii - is bottomless- i had a dream once about it- and LATER- IT HAPPENED- I had a small child floating on bamboo stalks in the water-
it was deep- that feeling- of no bottom at all- only water- like an entrance to alantis-

Like an embrace in the water that I still want to have.
I don't know if I'd ever go to Hawaii, but I do think I'd prolly float over a bottomless waters somewhere sometime.

If I picture new creatures to be discovered than I would picture them living in a bottomless waters.

When I was an art teacher

I asked my students to sculpt what they found at the bottom of the Columbia river- it was amazing what they did-
I bought a new green today- spring is coming out of my nipple- and colors are dripping out of my womb-

She was chili in the wind air
of a New York city
between that and that

but he bought sun
and everything went heated hot.

On beaches there is much to pick up,
a lot broken to the shore
and finely fits in a message bottle.

She tastes salt on her lip
and tastes it on his breath
and shoulders,
around his neck.

Everything thirsty after beach,
needs kissing, likes between the sheets.
"Keep me!" is her
and he answers back,
"Always hot!"

when he was younger- he was the 'cheerful one' NUMBER 9 child- he knew when some one was blue
he had a way to get to you
in salt
in sea
he was free

he was only the one that loved me most
never said i no wanna
he loved women
married me
sometimes i think
it was destiny
that his palm trees line my sons driveway on kauai

He likes to touch everything, absolutely finger, fight, feel, mouth the life love of the sights and sounds. I can't stop watching all that he has, right there in his hand, what he makes a fist of and even the board gets painted with sand on tops of that.

Nothing stops, all goes and then I think I'm lucky in loves.

the van rolls forward- he tells me of his movie- of his girlfriend and what happned- why he is moving to venice , LA.... for awhile- the houses on kauai- his intelligence is astounding- dont tell me some of my apples didnt fall real close to his tree- i see him when he was a baby- when he was a young man- i see him now as a spiritual man who brought such honor and love to his mother yesterday- the dogs- the sunlight at indian beach- he forgot his computer- i drove it to him- blubbering on the side of the road- that i love him so much- and was so glad he forgot his computer - because i needed him to know i love him so-
there is no love like the love of the mother- she loves you no matter where you are- she knows you- smiles when she sees you really have been listening watching- learning- the tricks of a clean get away- i know you-the heart is worth defending- he said-' i am doing this with integrity'
..........
i walk with light in my hands- i send that light to all of you- that yo may know the love i speak of- as more than a small story after mother s day-

She standing there with a hammock in the background,
the green outdoors alive,

focus is a letter of pretty pictures, words
and not a sound.

She stood out in the ocean on a chair,
the rain was falling down
and it acted as such an umbrella,

her torso bent far
and she picked up a drop of water,
placed it gently across the arm
with the back high and drenched,

"Can I buy you a fish, I noticed you
hungry there.".