Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

sweetwater wrote:The haiku is a Japanese verse in three lines. Line one has 5 syllables, line 2 has 7 syllables and line three has 5 syllables. Haiku is a mood poem and it doesn't use any metaphors or similes.

sweetwater, welcome.
It is said that the Japanese haiku form adhered to that syllable count, with the intent of addressing the present moment. The modern western style is far different. Present moment is paramount, nature good.
In writing haiku, the attempt is made to be as clear and in the moment as possible. This is what i strive for.
and so it goes

judih wrote: sweetwater, welcome.
It is said that the Japanese haiku form adhered to that syllable count, with the intent of addressing the present moment. The modern western style is far different. Present moment is paramount, nature good.
In writing haiku, the attempt is made to be as clear and in the moment as possible...

Yes.

At the risk of committing pedantry (which I believe is illegal in 12 states), the 5-7-5 count does not allude to syllables, but to phonemes called onj, or onji. They are only roughly analogous to English syllables, with no one-to-one equivalence; but on average, 17 onji are approximated by 12 to 14 English syllables. When I try adhering to a strict count, I like 3-5-3, or 4-6-4; but the structure of English differs enough from Japanese that these counts aren't always feasible. I wrote this 11-syl haiku some time ago: "birdseed enough until the evening grosbeaks", but breaking into 3-5-3 would render it "birdseed en/ough until the eve/ning grosbeaks". It made more sense to parse it 4-2-5: "birdseed enough/until/the evening grosbeaks". The standalone "until" also gave the piece a humorously dramatic pause before the punchline, I thought.

The short version: Strict syl counts are optional in contemporary haiku, but brevity is not. And it's appropriate to make the reader do some of the work, by suggesting an image (s)he may be familiar with. Also to link the outer landscape you're describing with some aspect of your interior life (something I need to work a lot harder at).

Anyhow - welcome! And write on!

thanks, sasha, for addressing the japanese onj/onji.

It's so good to have meta-discussion. clears the brain in readiness.


and so

bongo drums
goodbye to futon
hello floor

three or five or six
thank god I'm not Japanese
any count will do

early early
slips into fashionably early
almost on time

something bright
a flash, a shared look
time resistant

No
bubbles
to
reach
me
here
imagine
my
impatience

it's that time again
prevalent rain washes ground
everyone smiles

crack of thunder
Ryokan wondrous visions
Basho at home pond

someone brings Basho
frogs and lily pads
haiku catchers

one
cattail
in
the
vase
no
company

met a disc tosser
he is a man that throws
colorful plastic circles

makes a game of it
rainbow plates in a cloth bag
I want to do this too

so much rain last night
people are under water
with no breath to spare

clean sweet bike path
till dreaded tractor
solid wall of dust

of all the smiles
last lesson last day of week
newfound calm