Haiku Onto You!!!!

Post by **Dave The Dov** » February 5th, 2006, 8:01 am

Kids walking home from school
Funeral procession drives pass
Ah the irony of life
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Post by **stilltrucking** » February 6th, 2006, 6:22 pm

And when I'm gone
There'll be one child born
And a world to carry on

Laura Nyro
http://www.lauranyro.com/

Post by **Artguy** » February 6th, 2006, 7:18 pm

Step in the grave
Stepping out of birth
A dance is born

Post by **sooZen** » February 7th, 2006, 9:55 am

Dave...very good essence in this haiku. If I may, I would eliminate the non-essential though i.e...

Kids walk from school
hearse passes (keep it in the present tense)
life goes on

This is just my poor example but if the haijinist keeps it 'quick' and succinct, the haiku has effect. Look at Kurt's and Jack's (or Laura's) haiku (haiku is singular and plural) for examples...they tell the tale effectively.
Haiku is practice...I am still learning as should any haijin.

I hope you don't mind my microscope but I see the potential.

sooZ

Post by **stilltrucking** » February 7th, 2006, 10:09 am

the dead know nothing
mourning is for the mourners
prayer for the living

Post by **sooZen** » February 7th, 2006, 10:16 am

Jack...too morbid? hummm, nothing is too much for life and death, it just is...

I think haiku is the perfect place for anything; dead flies, road kill, etc.

at a grave
mourners weep
flowers grow

Hah! I caught you before the edit!

Post by **Dave The Dov** » February 7th, 2006, 11:47 am

I like to include more into it. But that's just the way I write them. Thanks for the pointer though.
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Post by **sooZen** » February 7th, 2006, 1:58 pm

Cool Dave...gotcha...

Basho walks
his footsteps~
my path

...Check your second line "drives pass" Is the word "pass" supposed to be "past"?

SooZ

Post by **Dave The Dov** » February 7th, 2006, 2:06 pm

Hey thanks. When I get it published I'll make the correction.
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Post by **jimboloco** » February 7th, 2006, 2:41 pm

mid day jazz
green cosmic spiral
petals fall away